Saturday, February 28, 2015

No point in getting mad

Its the nature of the CLAMS. discrimination has been part and parcel of the academic world for more than a century. Black colleges were started because academia did not want blacks on campus unless they were picking up garbage. Then it was Jews.
While colleges now want blacks students, and are offering bonus points to the many under achievers, Jews are still discriminated against, and Asians have been added to the do not apply list.
What do we do? Complaints will be answered with charges of racism. Oblowme was supposed to usher in the post racial America, but as I look around, I see a nation that is more racially divided than at any time since Jim Crow. Good is evil, and evil is now good.
I get that many schools in black and hispanic areas are poor quality. I understand how back kids who work and study are labeled as acting white, and the rats drag them back down. This point system is not going to help matters any. This is only going to drag the acting white mantra onto the college campuses, and hurt those black students who are their on their own merit. Then again, afirmative action, not merit, got the SCoaMF to Washington.
A large portion of the money that colleges throw around comes from donations made by alumni. My advice to Asian, Jewish, and white grads is to save you hard earned bucks. Sure, the colleges will stick it to you some other way. Taxes will go up to fund education, and the lazy will be exempted, but at least you will have the satisfaction of knowing they had to pry it from your hands to get it.
The problems they are trying to fix now were created by their last few fixes. Democrats gave us Jim Crow. Republicans, beginning during the Eisenhower administration peeled back the layers of discrimination. While a lot of civil rights legislation was passed during the administrations of JFK and LBJ, it was done in spite of them and their fellow democrats, not by them. Republicans, while the minority in congress at the time, voted overwhelmingly for civil rights legislation. Democrats short circuited the process with the creation of the welfare state which took the blacks who had escaped the plantations, and lured them to the government tit where they became dependent on the hand outs from the communist controllers.
Seriously, is the average black that stupid that he must receive a 280 point bonus on the SAT over an Asian kid? Sure, Barry is, hell, he might need an additional hundred just to get out of the cellar. Ben Carson might need to be lumped in with the Asians though. No, its just that Academia has failed them as surely as the Congressional Left and the Media have.
The sad part of this is that many of those kids who come out of the black community and get a free ride at school will still fail in the business world even with their propped up degree because having a work ethic is still acting white. Can't fix stupid, and I'm not referring to the blacks and Latinos with that statement.

A little morning humor

Shout out to all you amnesiacs out there... 
and I don't think you know who you are.

Sororities:
Because affluent white girls need gangs too.


I'm so badly in debt...
my bank now sends me a monthly understatement.
It's a dog-eat-dog world out there.
That's why I stay in here where it's a man-eat-donuts world.

Brain Freeze:
Legitimate issue or zombie treat?
Water Polo:
A sport that's just one shark away from being the best sport on the planet.
I wasn't planning on going for a run today...
but those cops came out of nowhere.
 
If I had a dollar...
for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.

To make a long story short:
Hamlet: Everyone dies
Macbeth: Everyone dies
Titanic: Everyone dies
Twilight: You want to die


MOVIE RATINGS EXPLAINED:
G: Nobody gets the girl.
PG: The good guy gets the girl.
R: The bad guy gets the girl.
X: Everybody gets the girl!



Friday, February 27, 2015

A little morning humor


Larry and Bob, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Larry didn't show up. Bob didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Larry hadn't shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn't know where Larry lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Larry, but one day, Bob approached the park and -- lo and behold -- there sat Larry! Bob was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Larry, what in the world happened to you? Larry replied, 'I have been in jail.' 'Jail!' cried Bob. What in the world for?' 'Well,' Larry said, 'you know Jane, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?' 'Yeah,' said Bob, 'I remember her. What about her? 'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'. 'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury’.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

A little morning humor

.... Apparently bears are attracted to women on their menstrual cycles. Let's see, 1000# grizzly bear against a 120# woman with cramps. Sounds like a fair fight to me.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

A little morning humor

I just broke up with my Korean girlfriend. She was gorgeous, great in bed and could make a meat pie from scratch.

But I loved that dog.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

A little morning humor

An atheist was fishing in Scotland one day when his boat was suddenly attacked by the Loch Ness Monster. The boat capsized and the man was flung from the boat. As he flew towards the monster's open mouth, he screamed; "Oh God, help me!"
Immediately everything was frozen in place. The ferocious attack stopped and the atheist was left suspended in mid-air. A booming voice came down from the sky: "I thought you didn't believe in me!"
"Come on God, give me a break," said the man. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either!"

Monday, February 23, 2015

Could an attack on a mall happen here?

Paul at Crime Guns and Videotape has done his research on the subject. We are wide open and laid bare like a doped out prostitute in a Pearl Harbor brothel. When and where are the only questions yet to be answered. My bet would be Mall of America. The Twin cities have a large population of Somali's and recruitment has been on going for fighters in the islamist wars in Syria and Africa.
Prior to the Boston bombing, all our home grown converts had been a Barney Fife assortment of dismal and comic failures. Many were not even recognized as terror attacks. The guy who blew himself to smitherines outside the KSU v OU game was not acknowledged as a terrorist even though he was a recent convert to satanism's arabian strain. He made several attempts to enter the stadium, but was turned away because he would not allow his back pack to be inspected.
Since then there have been a string of attempts. Most were stopped cold and in some cases it almost looked like police entrapment since the idiots were armed with FBI or ATF manufactured fakes.
The next terror attack is on its way. Whether it will be a mall attack or an attack on a port, we do not know. Every terror group has wet dreams of launching an attack on the United States. We have given refuge to a lot of scum in the last thirty years. Some of them have assimilated, many have not. Its hard to tell one from the other, and children of the ones who assimilated are still a source for the recruiters in the mosques that are popping up like zits on a teenager.
Sooner or later another successful attack will happen. We are powerless to prevent the dedicated ones. They can ship a container of explosives in to any harbor and detonate it in the port with out waiting for it to be off loaded and inspected. They could hijack an airliner any where in Africa, load on a few tons of explosives, and hit our east coast and we would be powerless. That is what made the disappearance of MH370 so serious. Twenty years ago that might not have even made the news here.
So far though they have been about as incompetent as Barry Soetoro Soon though one with a double digit IQ will step up, and there will be more dead Americans. It may happen on Oblowme's watch or it might happen under the next president. remember, only 8 months of the years spent training and preparing for 9-11 happened under Bush. The vast majority was conducted under the nose of Worthless Willie. He was too busy looking for the next skirt to chase, or covering up his Monica affairs to be vigilant. If Hitlery gets elected, she will be busy dealing with the same routine, covering for him like she did for his eight years.
We have stood down from calling islam what it is. Its no longer OK to say islamic terrorism even though terrorism is part and parcel of their twisted cult of death. If you've read your Bible, you know what is coming. The thundering hooves of the four horsemen are coming. Whether it is tomorrow or next year, or twenty years remains to be seen. Satan's children, the mooslimes are beheading and murdering Martyrs every day. That place under the alter is fast filling with the souls of those whom  GOD will avenge. Will you be one of them? Will I?

A little morning humor

What has a 75 balls and screws old ladies?
BINGO!!

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Dumb and Dumber

We have yet another case of child porn, this time in Florida. With the evolution in technology has come a new round of problems. A group of kids in south Florida took to Instagram to solicit other kids to take revealing selfies and post them.
Its stupid, its wrong, but is the child porn charge the correct one? If a thirteen year old chooses to have sex with another thirteen year old, would that warrant a charge of indecent liberties with a child? Not in a sane world!  If a child that young can have sex with their peers, that means they can expose their bodies to them. Why is the next step, sending lewd pics worthy of a label that will follow them for life?
We need to get prosecutors out of doing parents jobs. The kids who started this mess deserve the same treatment they would get if they were caught in that tweens bedroom late at night. Their permanent teeth would become less permanent, and they might get home with rock salt imbedded in their ass, but its not rape.
We were all kids once. We all got just as stupid as technology and our parents allowed us to get, and most of us survived it. Last time I checked, the bruise on my ass from dads boot was just about healed.
Parents need to be parents. If that was an adult coercing the kids to take those photos, that is one thing. He or she should be taken out and shot almost dead, then left for the coyotes. Kids doing it is another. I can remember parties when I was a teen where girls around my age got up in the back of a pickup and did a strip routine that was as bad as any club by a military base can have. That was in the 70's, and was about as high tech as we could get. Some one snapped a few polaroids, and those got passed around her school all of the next year. As I remember, the guy with the camera had to out run her, and later her dad.
Heck, there are tons of pics on the internet of children running around nude that are not porn. The naturist sites are full of them. The supreme court ruled in favor of the naturists: The depiction of adults and children nude in the visual media has enjoyed constitutional protection in the United States since 1958, when the Supreme Court vacated a Court of Appeals finding that Sunshine & Health magazine could be obscene (Sunshine Book Co. v. Summerfield, Postmaster General, 355 U.S. 372). The right to depict adults and children in innocent nude poses has been upheld without a pause for 41 years. In case after case, the Supreme Court and lower courts have always upheld the constitutionality of "nudity without more," specifically referring to the nudist depiction as a fully constitutional form of expression.
I see no difference here.  Boys through the years have masturbated to the lingerie section of the J.C.Penny catalog. Does that make it porno?
The kids who post these selfies are being dumb. its a sad state of affairs when the persecutors and Poorlice decide to be dumber.

little morning humor

If you thought accidentally sexting your parents was embarrassing, wait until they return the favor.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

My hat is off to Brigitte

Brigitte Bardot is at it again calling a spade a spade and getting in trouble for speaking the TRUTH! Something the cowardly Fwench, like Obamunists, don't want to hear. She didn't need to say what she said though. She spoke out about muslim terrorists. She is right of course, but its like talking about a stinky skunk, like there is some other kind? You can have stink with out a skunk, but you cannot have a skunk with out stink. Even descented, they retain their um, aroma.
Likewise, you can have terrorism without muslims, but every place in the world that has muslims has islamist terrorism. Some places have it worse, and here in the U.S.A. we have been somewhat blessed. All of our home grown splodydopes have either failed miserable, or gone over seas to wage their jihad. I guess they think 72 mythical virgins is better then never getting anything but the family goat here on earth.
So Brigitte, GOD bless you, but you only need to say islam, the rest is all part of the stink on the skunk.

A little morning humor

I met a real hot woman in Rome last summer. She didn't speak much English but that didn't matter, she was real hot. We hit it off real good and agreed to share a cab to the hotel we were both staying at.

We got to the hotel bar and had a couple of drinks, next thing you know we're in bed going at it like crazy. I must have been giving it to her pretty good because all night she kept yelling Buco Sbagliato! Buco Sbagliato! We did it like 5 times. It was good.

The next day I had golf with some business associates, I had my best round ever. On the 14th hole I scored a hole-in-one! I was so happy I stared yelling Buco Sbagliato! Buco Sbagliato!

One of my fellow golfers stopped me and said; "Oh no Signore Snaggs, I assure you that it is the right hole"

Friday, February 20, 2015

A little morning humor



In China today, a man harvesting rice was attacked by another man with a small ceramic figurine.
It was the first known case of knick-knack paddy whack.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

A little morning humor

A general was incredibly proud of his son when he joined the Rangers. He told everyone how well his boy was doing, and what a man he was, and he looked forward to hearing about further tales of heroism when the boy came home on a week's leave.
But the boy appeared troubled when he got home. "Dad, there's something I have to tell you, and I don't think you're going to like it. I had to do my first jump out of a plane and I was absolutely terrified. I was the last one to jump and when I got to the door, I just froze. I couldn't do it. My drill sergeant glared at me and yelled: "Soldier, if you don't jump out of this plane this damn instant, I'm going to stick my big hairy dick right up your little ass!"
The father's eyes widened. "Did you jump?"
"A little at first.", said the son.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

A little morning humor

Last night, I put up a sign at my subway train station saying "Naked Prophet Mohammed pictures THIS WAY".
This morning, there were 12 dead Muslims on the live rail.
What a tragic accident...

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Had my hopes up

I don't subscribe to the local papers, nor do I listen to any of the local stations. They are nothing but uber liberal mouthpieces for the POS in the White House, and communism in general. A friend though called me yesterday and informed me of this. Recovered guns? Yes, that got my heart racing. Yesterday was a holiday though, so I had to wait until today to find out. No, none of the guns recovered were mine.
I have not given up hope. Some day the POS will make a mistake.

Kansas humor

Police in Clearwater, and I'm sure, a few of the residents got a chuckle out of an addition to the local radar trailer.

Just what the prize is remains unclear. Might be a week end stay all bills paid, just not at a resort of your choice.

A little morning humor

Just figured a way to save myself from an expensive lengthy divorce and alimony payments.

I drew and published a picture of Mohammed eating a pork sandwich  and signed her name to it

Monday, February 16, 2015

A little morning humor

Q: What do you get when you cross a Chinese and a Mexican man?
A: A car thief who can't drive!

Q: What do the Chinese do during erections?
A: They vote.

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in China?
A: He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

Q: How do you know if an Chinaman robbed your house?
A: Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later the fucker is still trying to back out of your driveway.

CHINESE PREGNANCY TEST: Put an unsolved Rubik's cube into her vagina. If it comes out solved, she is pregnant.

If you spin a Chinese man around would he become disoriented?

My parents are so Chinese they Honor-killed my sister for getting an A- on a math test!

Every thing is made in china expect kids their made in vuchina (vagina)

If Japanese Pop is Jpop then what is Chinese rap? CRAP?

Apparently animals make different sounds according to different Languages. For example, in China a Dog makes a Sizzling noise.

Scientist say the average size of the male penis has gone down to 5 inches. This just shows how big the Chinese population is getting.

I wonder if the Chinese put their smileys like this ¦)

Chinese worker: "Me not come to work, me sick."
Boss: "When I'm sick I have sex with my wife, try it."
Chinese calls back: "It worked. Me better. You got nice house!"

Captain

An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the first officer is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and it's obvious by the silence that they don't get along. After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain speaks, "I don't like Chinese."

The First Officer replies, " Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why ees that?"

The Captain says, "You bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese."

The F.O. says, "Nooooo, noooo... Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbah. That Japanese, not Chinese."

And the Captain answers, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... it doesn't matter, they're all alike." Another thirty minutes of silence.

Finally the F.O. says, "No like Jew." The Captain replies, "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?"

F.O. says, "Jews sink Titanic."

The Captain tries to correct him, "No, no. The Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."

The F.O. replies," Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, no mattah. All same."

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Has this ever occured to any one?

By now every sane person knows that Allah, pronounced a lie, was the moon god of the arab tribes. Why, out of the hundreds if not thousands of fake deities they had did Mohamhead pick Alie?
First off, fucking sheep is not something you would do in broad daylight back then, so the moon was the celestial body most familiar to our world famous child molester. Not a big deal, that would also make it the god of good Kentucky whiskey.
The moon has many names. we are all familiar with the lunar missions,the lunar landings. Luna is the Spanish name for the moon. Moon madness is a known phenomena. The lunar cycles, especially the full moon are associated with all kinds of craziness. Thus we have the words lunacy, and lunatic.
I guess that all means you have to be nuckin' futs to believe in islame  because no sane person would strap a vest filled with explosives on, blow themselves to smitherines, and expect to be rewarded with 72 virgins.
Just my two cents, got change?

A little morning humor

I told my wife,"If I die before you I want you to sell all my stuff right away"
"why"? she said
I said "Because eventually you'll meet someone and get married and I don't want some asshole messing with my stuff"
She said "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Oblowme could learn a thing or three from Oregon's governor

Oregon's governor announced his resignation amid a scandal involving his girlfriend and finances. The White House occupant is far more corrupt, has more scandals linked to him then any previous President, makes Carter look competent, and Nixon appear honest, and those are his good points.
How many more scandals must this country endure? The most transparent government has been far from it. The only thing clear is that he and his staff are a bunch of criminals, and that is likely a complement.
So, Barry, follow Kitzhaber's lead, do us all a favor and quit.

A little morning humor



A famous Hollywood Plastic Surgeon has developed a technique to enhance women's boobs using fat from their love handles, so I decided to send the wife.

Does anyone know where she can get a 52GGG bra at?

Friday, February 13, 2015

A littler morning humor

Obozo went to his doctor and told him that his pet gerbil, Bruce, was dying.

He said, "I'm a doctor. You need to see a vet."

"I saw him this morning," Barry said, "and when I told him where Bruce was, he told me to see you."  

Thursday, February 12, 2015

A little morning humor

A nun goes to her Mother Superior:

"I was raped. What shall I do?"

The Old woman answers: "Drink this most bitter tea with no sugar"

"Shall that bring my purity and honor back?"

"No, but it shall take that happy look off your face"

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

What would you say?

A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.


Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, ...please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer behind the tractor and I was driving down the road...."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie".

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my John Deer Tractor right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"

"Now tell me, what the heck would you say?"

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

A little morning humor

I was in line at Starbucks this morning
The man getting served in front of me asked for a mocha.
"Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas."
The guy was fuming. "I have a mocha every morning when I come in here!" he raged. "I'll just have to have a latte!" He went and sat down.

I went to the counter and said, "I'll have a large latte too, please."
They asked me for my name. I asked why they needed it and they told me that they'd write it on my cup and shout it when it was ready.

So I told them my name was Mocha.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

A little morning humor

A well-known linguistic anecdote involves Oxford philosopher of language J. L. Austin, who gave a lecture in which he noted that there are many languages in which a double negative makes a positive, but none in which a double positive makes a negative.

In the audience was Colombian philosopher Sidney Morgenbesser, who ironically replied, “Yeah, yeah.”

Saturday, February 7, 2015

A little morning humor

My best friend was recently in a serious car crash.
Late in the night he regained consciousness. He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous female doctor hovering over him. He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident.

She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say,

"You may not feel anything from the waist down."

Somehow he managed to mumble in reply,

"Can I feel your tits, then?"

That, my friends, is a positive attitude!

Friday, February 6, 2015

A little morning humor

A newly commissioned navy ensign and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing him around the ship, when the former midshipman asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long.

"Let me show you," says the captain.

He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there's a solitary barrel with a hole in it.

"This'll be the best sex you'll ever have. Go ahead and try it, and I'll give you some privacy."

The ensign doesn't quite believe it, but he decides to try it anyway. After he finishes up, the captain returns.

"Wow! That was the best sex I've ever had! I want to do it every day!"

"Fine. You can do it every day except for Thursday."

"Why not Thursday?"

"That's your day in the barrel."

Thursday, February 5, 2015

OK, I get it now

Oblowme changed the mission of NASA. The organization that led the exploration of space, landed on the moon, sent satellites to Pluto and beyond, now hitches a ride to the International Space Station with our enemy. What the heck happened?
Maybe this is too simple, but mooslimes worship allah, pronounced A-lie, the pagan moon god of the arab peninsula. NASA put men on the moon. See the connection? Who better to understand lunar fixated lunatics then men who have studied that satellite in minute detail?
Maybe our outreach to them should include free month long tours of the lunar surface for all these radical clerics and their minions. Instead of releasing the GITMO prisoners into Yemen, we should release them on the lunar surface. NASA still has plenty of Atlas rockets for boosting satelites into orbit.  Just attach fifty or so seats to the hull of the main booster, and put a goat pen on top, then send them on a happy voyage to seek out new life and new civilizations. To boldly bugger goats where no man has gone before.
Another thing, why did the pedophile pick the moon god? The Arabs had a multitude of deities, he could have chosen from a long list. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that that ass raping small boys, and buggering goats is not something you do in broad day light, especially when you are endowed such that an eight year old sees you naked and immediately laughs. No, Mohamhead did most of his barn yard exploits late at night under the light of his favorite heavenly body.
Before you call me crazy, tell me this, when was the last time you heard of a redneck strapping on a vest full of explosives and blowing him self up in a shopping center full of women and kids?

She looks like Jamie Faar

If you are as old as me, you remember the hit antiwar comedy M*A*S*H. Set in Korea, it was about an Army Mobile Hospital, and one of the main characters was a fellow trying to get out on a section 8. Klinger cross dressed, but his character was still a straight guy, just one who wanted away from all things military.
He was of Lebanese descent. Enter Mia Khalifa. She too is from Lebanon, she too is in the entertainment industry. She too wears women's cloths, just not in front of the camera. This has the sploddy dopes in a frenzy. She is not a mooslime, but she made a film wearing a hajib, and the perpetually offended are even more offended. I'm just not sure how this offends them. Do they not like cute women? Do they want us to continue to believe that the only reason they make their women wear those head coverings is so we won't see just how ugly they are? We know that not all mooslime women are ugly as sin. That is not what drives them to bugger little boys, and fornicate with goats. Its the satanic influence of their religion and the demented ravings of the pedophile Mohamhead. Heck, I'd bet that if you stripped a hundred mooslime women butt naked, there would be at lease ten of them that the average American male would hit on in a bar after closing time.
Could be wrong though.
I haven't seen any of her work, the pic at the article is all I have to judge her on at this point. If any one wants to find her video's and report back, let me know how good or bad it was.

A little morning humor


A young man walked into a dentist's office and said, "Can you help me? I think I'm a moth."

The doc said, "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."

"Yes, I know," the man agreed.

The dentist asked, "So, why did you come in here?"

The man replied, "The light was on."

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

A little morning humor

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags ripped, and every once in a while a twenty dollar bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, “Ma’am, there are twenty dollar bills falling out of your bag.”
“Really? Darn!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer!”
“Well now, not so fast,” said the cop. “How did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”
“Oh, no,” says the little old lady. “You see, my backyard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden, so I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his pecker through the fence I say, ‘twenty dollars, or off it comes!’”
“Well, that seems only fair,” laughed the cop. “Okay then. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”
“Well, you know,” said the little old lady, “not everybody pays!”

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

A little morning humor

An Instagram photo of Miss Lebanon poising with other Miss Universe contestants, including Miss Israel, is causing an uproar in Lebanon.
They’re gonna be really pissed when they find out that Miss Israel’s talent is drawing pictures of Mohammad.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Holy Crap! Its WINTER

If Al Gore were to be believed, glowbul warming was to have eliminated winter weather by now. I feel for the folks in the north east. The ones who bought into Mike and Al's wealth redistribution scheme are having to trade their Burmuda shorts and Hawaii Shirts for Duluth Trading post gear ASAP.
Here in Kansas its weather as usual. -4 in the morning, 45 by mid afternoon. Manhattan was closer in temp to Sioux Falls South Duhkota then we were to Wichita at game time yesterday. Go figger.
This morning the road by my place was a sheet of ice. After I took my wife to work,  I found the neighbors wife stuck on a hill. She had lost traction,got a little sideways, and was afraid to try anything. This evening, the paper delivery guy failed to make the turn right north of my house. I guess the neighbors will want to patch the fence before they move the cattle back in spring.
When I went out to pull him out of the ditch, I almost turned around and left him there. He had several libtard banners on the back of his car, enough to make me hate him with out him opening his mouth. I decided it was better to get him out and gone though lest he bring down the neighborhood.

What do you call it when a redneck hitches two pair of pigs to a cart? Four Squeal Drive. Nothing like a hog on ice. Most folks with their four wheelers would be better off with a brace of pigs. They use it to get in to trouble instead of out. I've never needed a four wheel drive, guess I aint a true redneck. Doesn't mean they aren't fun to drive though, Just never NEEDED it.

A little morning humor

A woman goes to the doctor and says " I am keep pulling Costa Rica stamps out of my vagina". The doctor says "What?!" She says, "Yes. I keep pulling Costa Rica stamps out of my vagina." Doc says "Get up on the table and lets have a look.". She gets up on the table, spreads her legs and he pulls one out, and then another, looks at them and says, "These aren't Costa Rica stamps. These are stickers off of bananas".

Sunday, February 1, 2015

A little morning humor

My fifth grade teacher said my life would never be worth anything. I found out yesterday that my wife paid some homeless guy $50 to kill me. Suck it Mrs Swanson!