Its Summer! Almost

I'm a part time volunteer for a local organization similar to the Boys and Girls Clubs, that provides day care for non custodial parents during their summer visitations. Today was our first day this year. We gathered our group of kids, nearly twenty in all, and sat them down for an introduction. We asked each of them to introduce themselves, tell us where they were from, and what the parent they were visiting did for a living. Ben went first. He said, "I live in Ohio with my grandparents. I'm here visiting my dad. He's a Platoon Sergeant in the Army." Sarah went next. She said, "I live with my daddy in Texas. I'm here to visit my mommy who is a nurse at the hospital." Johnny was next. He said, "I live with my mom in Colorado. I'm here to see my dad. He's a dancer with a gay cabaret. He lets strange men touch his dick, and some times he takes them in the back, and if they pay him enough, he gives them blow jobs." Needless to say, that ended the introductions, and we volunteers scrambled to get the kids onto some other activity, in this case, a soccer game at City Park. Johnny's dad came for him at lunch. I took it upon myself to approach him about this delicate subject. I began with, "Your son shared quite a bit of interesting stuff about you and your job with the other kids....." Johnny's dad replied, I've never though of my job as interesting. In fact, being an accountant for the IRS is usually pretty boring if not tedious."

What is a dilemma

One friend said to the other: "what actually is a dilemma?"

The friend replied: "well, there's nothing better than an example to illustrate that.

Imagine that you are laying in a big bed with a beautiful young woman on one side and a gay man on the other.

Who are you going to turn your back on?"

So GOD made a liberal

Actually, Satan made em.

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They should have named his book the Audacity of Hype. Thats all he is, all blow and no show. Speaking of blow, does anybody actually think he kicked his habit?

GET OUT OF TOWN NOW

That is the message if you live in San Franfreakshow. Its bad enough to be constantly at risk from their homosexual population, but now the city islamofascist defense system is down. City officials closed the main defense system after residents, most likely islamofascist infiltrators, complained about the smell. Some one who doesn't like the smell of bacon? Don't let wire cutter and Angel know, the state will get cut off and fall into the Pacific fur shur.
Not to fear though, Jim Angelus the owner, will continue operation via mobile defense devices err mobile kitchen vehicles.
So, now its time to vote. Texas has been making noise about scession. Should, a, Texas form their own nation, or b, California be excommunicated and kicked off the continent? I opt for b, its cheaper then me moving south.

Definition of the word " coincidence "

A chicken farmer went to the local bar ....He sat next to a woman and ordered champagne.

The woman said:" How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne".

" What a coincidence " - said the farmer, who added: " It is a special day for me .... I'm celebrating"

" It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!" said the woman.

"What a coincidence" said the farmer.

While they toasted, the man asked: " What are you celebrating?"

" My husband and I are trying to have a child for years, and today, my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant".

"What a coincidence!" said the man. " I'm a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs. "

"This is awesome" said the woman. " What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?"

" I used a different rooster " the farmer said.

The woman smiled and said:"What a coincidence"

A little morning humor

Three visitors to London  climb up the tower that houses Big Ben and decide to have a contest. They're going to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch the watches before they hit the ground.

The first tourist throws his watch, takes three steps and hears his watch crash. The second throws his watch and takes only two steps when he hears his watch shatter.

The third tosses his watch off the tower, jogs down the stairs, goes to a candy store, buys a snack, walks back to Big Ben and catches his watch. "How did you do that?" asks one of his friends.

"My watch is 30 minutes slow.