Wednesday, April 23, 2014

A little morning humor



Its Friday afternoon and a class of second graders are waiting to go home, the teacher stands up and "says" anyone who can answer this question can take Monday off, she asks how many buckets of sand in the Arizona desert.

The kids are stuned, the teacher says alright, no one can answer the question, no one can have a long weekend.
The following Friday the teacher asks how many buckets of water in the Atlantic Ocean, and once again no one could answer it.
The next Thursday after school one of the students from that class went home and grabed two golf balls from his garage, painted them black, let them dry and took them to school the next day.
Its five minutes to three and this kid knows that the teacher is going to ask a dumb question so he stands up and throws the golf balls at the black board and sits down really fast.
The teacher stands up and says, who's the comedian with the two black balls, the kid stands up and says "Bill Cosby" see you all on Tuesday.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Be more like GOD



A drunk lay slumped outside a bar, in serious need of a drink.
A passing priest and bishop started to lecture him on the evils of alcohol.
"You should be more like God, like me," said one.
The other argued, "No, my son, more like me. I am more like God."
The two holy men then argued over which was more like God.
Finally, the drunk interrupted. "I'm more like God than either of you arguing hypocrites, and if you give me ten bucks, I'll prove it!"
They accepted his challenge and each handed him five dollars. As the drunk stood, he said, "You two go sit in the bar and when I enter you'll have your proof." The bishop entered first and the barkeep said, "Good afternoon, Bishop, what'll you have?" Then the priest entered and the barkeep said, "Good afternoon, Father, what'll you have?"
Finally, the drunk came in waving his ten dollars.
The bartender shrugged, "Oh, God, not you again!"

Sunday, April 20, 2014

A little morning humor

President Oblowme and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Barry's ear.
All of a sudden Barry looks at Moochelle and yells, "Okay, Michelle, GET OUT!".
She looks surprised but leaves.
The pitcher looks at Obambi and says, "No, I said to throw out the first PITCH!"

Friday, April 18, 2014

F I D

Q, why is a camel called , the ship of the dessert

A, because it s full of arab semen

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

A good business model

If you have ever had Corona, you know it aint good beer. In fact, its rated as one of Mexico's worst beers. That said, it is also one of thier most popular. Their business model? Sand sun and lime wedges.
So if you really want to sell those Obama action figures, do it on the beach. Sure, a few folks will get upset, but some liberal will certainly buy one for his kid.

Monday, April 14, 2014

way to go dumbass

A perennial hate candidate opened fire in a Kansas City Area Jewish Community Center on Sunday killing a man and his grandson. He then drove to a nearby Jewish retirement Center and killed a woman there. Police arrested Frazier Glenn Miller, a known White Supremest.  It is interesting to note that his victims were ALL Christians.
I guess the chicken shit bastard didn't have the balls to drive into a black neighborhood and try it.
This incident illustrates the importance of our Constitutional 2nd Amendment right. Even in the House of GOD, we should have people armed and vigilant. Of course there is a down side. had some one in Wichita been armed, Killer Tiller would still be murdering babies.
Enough of my sarcasm. My condolences to the families who lost loved ones. As for FG Miller, I ope you get to bunk with an angry black dude for the rest of your pitiful existence. May you be his bitch.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

A little morning humor

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."