Rednecks n' doctors

A redneck went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for a checkup. She told him that he had to quit masturbating. When he  asked why and she told him" Because I am trying to examine you."

A rednecks girlfriend was in labor with their first child. She was shouting out "get this out of me! Give me the drugs". She looked at him and said, "You did this to me you bastard!," the redneck casually replied, "If you would care to remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass but you said "it'll be too painful."