Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Get ready to help them leave

After creepy Joe Biden's dismal showing in the debate Tuesday, Google searches for how to move to Canada spiked. This is causing quite a bit of anxiety in parts of Canada most effected by illegal immigration, namely the border regions. Four years ago Canada experienced a human tsunami of gender studies and deco-art history majors, vainly hoping to find sanctuary in the cold northern regions.

Canada is bracing for another flood of American liberals sneaking across the border. A rise in google searches for how to sneak into Canada intensified last night and early this morning, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the coming flood of illegal immigration.

The pending re-election of President Donald Trump is prompting this probable exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O’Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say their land has still not recovered from the trampling four years ago when dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists, and Unitarians crossed their fields at night.
“I remember going out to milk the cows one day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota.
The producer was cold, exhausted, and hungry.
“He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left. Didn’t even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.

“Not real effective,” he said. “The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn’t give milk.”

Officials are launching an advertising campaign in democrat run American cities extolling the virtues of Mexico's warm climate, expansive beaches and scantily clad women. The last part being left off in the San Francisco viewing area.

“A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “We have numerous documented cases of polar bears becoming sick from consuming the edibles which many of these California and Colorado liberals have in their knapsacks. High THC content brownies are simply not a good diet for animals used to eating seals and fish.

 When liberals are caught, they will be sent back across the border, no matter how much wailing that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Trump administration’s establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch hockey.

Canadians are very upset about that characterization of their national past time.

In the days leading up to the election, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers.

“If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age,” an official said.

Canadian citizens remember the organic-broccoli shortage and how all the good Susan Sarandon movies simply disappeared from the shelves.

“I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history majors does one country need?” 

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Pence met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to the White House said.

“We’re playing Village People music at all our campaign events. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out.”


Yes, I'm recycling and modifying Denny's classic post. Thanks to the grouchy old cripple for writing the original.

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