Monday, August 13, 2012

A few more laffs

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. "And what if I swallow it?" "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

One day a redneck husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted back to his wife, "What setting do I set the washing machine on?" ...
"It depends," She replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "Atlanta Braves."...

President BARACK OBAMA was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York ..
He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for increasing every Native American's present
standard of living. He referred to his time as a U.S. Senator and how he had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate.
Although President Obama was vague about the details of his plans, he seemed most enthusiastic and spoke eloquently about his ideas for helping his, "Red sisters and brothers".
At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented Obama with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, "Walking Eagle".
The proud President Obama accepted the plaque and then departed in his motorcade to a fundraiser, waving to the crowds.
A news reporter later asked the group of chiefs how they came to select the new name they had
given to the President.
They explained that "Walking Eagle" is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.

An Egyptian man is walking through the Cairo bazaar, when a stranger comes up to him and offers to sell Viagra (illegal in Egypt) for 100 Egyptian pounds.
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, how about 50 Egyptian pounds?"
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, 20?"
"No, not worth it!"
"How about 10?"
"No, not worth it!"
"Listen, these pills cost US $10 each. How can you say they are not worth it?"
"Oh, the pills ARE worth it. My wife is not worth it."

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