Sunday, June 9, 2013

A little morning humor

What the bases could have meant in the old days:

--First Base- This was almost always kissing, although one guy
I knew thought it meant holding hands. Sometimes it was tongue
kissing and sometimes not.

--Second Base- Variously this meant tongue kissing, breast feeling, or
outside the clothes genital contact.

--Third Base- Usually this was a hand down the pants of you or your

--Home Run- This was ALWAYS sex, although it was rarely reached in
the times when you had to refer to it in terms of bases.

Standardized Guide to the Bases!

--On Deck- Having plans for a date
--Strike-Out- Duh!!
--Walk- Kissing
--Bunt- Masturbation
--Single- Tongue kissing
--Double- Breasts/chest touched, some clothes off, lots of
grabbing and feels
--Triple- Most of the clothes off, genital contact, mutual
--Inside the park home run- Oral Sex
--Home Run- SEX!
--Ground Rule Double- would have sex, but no condom
--Error- Condom breaks during sex
--Banned for life for gambling- sex without condom
--Hall of Fame- Marriage

--Balk- Premature ejaculation
--Pine Tar- KY jelly
--Relief pitcher- Vibrator
--Rain Delay- parents/roommate return home unexpectedly
--Box Seats- Waterbed
--Seventh Inning Stretch- Unusual positions
--Rookie- Virgin
--Minor Leagues- Under 18
--Loaded Bases- manage a trois
--Grand Slam- Sex three times in twelve hours
--Foul tip- VD
--Three up and three down- impotency

Now that we have the definitions, lets quickly contrast the old confusion with current clarity.

OLD WAY- we um got to third base i guess and then we um got like
past third base, but not to home plate. i really like her.

NEW WAY- first, there was a triple, then we got and inside the
park home run, and started thinking, it's hall of fame time.

NEW WAY- So there i was with the bases loaded and nobody out,
when i balked during the seventh inning stretch and i had to call in
a relief pitcher.

Well, there you have it, i hope it has cleared up a lot of
the confusion and helps you out.

1 comment:

Toejam said...

Who's on First?

I don't know who's on first.

No. I don't know is on second.