I hate all this terrorist business.
I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself "I'm going to take that".
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland .
He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him “Where am I”?
The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back. "You're in that basket up there."
I had a Trivia competition shot to pieces until the last question which I got wrong.
The question was Where do women have the curliest hair?
The answer I should have given was Fiji ...
I failed a Health and Safety course at the Senior Center today.
One of the questions was:
"In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"
"F***ing' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.