I encountered several real winners during my time on active as well. Had one while an MP on Ft Riley who was in a class all his own.
He was assigned as Officer of the Guard for a night shift. Patrol started at midnight, and the first night out was usually pretty hard. We switched shifts every few days. At one point it was two day, two evening, two mids and two off with one of those off days dedicated to motor pool duty.
The unit was short on bodies. Usually the officer had a driver, but since we were short handed, it was one man patrol except for the newbees.
2LT Green drew a vehicle, a brand new Chevy Citation. About three hours into his shift, he was traveling from Main Post east toward Camp Forsyth he struck the bridge at the edge of main post head on into the guard rail. The headlights of that Chevy were pointed straight at each other.
What happened? Only the trusty LT knew. In his report he stated that an old squirrel ran into the road and he swerved to avoid it. Now you know where GEICO got its crazy ad. my favorite BTW.
It was shortly after that I transferred from 977th to 1st MPs. They were having problems, I was a short timer, 977th was gearing up for deployment to Honduras, and they needed to fill my slot with some one with time. 1st MPs had a morale problem. with few bodies, long hours, and a Provost who was a suck up, the men were getting shafted, and some were talking about quitting. Quitting as an MP usually meant becoming a cook, or the worst shit job available. These were good men, I didn't want to lose them, so I went to bat for them. I wrote out their grievances in a formal letter, then took it to the chain of command. i was now target zero for the big guns. The Provost Marshal was a pentagon flunkie down with us commoners to punch his ticket for Brigadier, and I was rocking HIS boat. It didn't take long and I was relieved of duty with the warning that I would be lucky to end my time in the military with my rank in tact. I got the worst EER ever given on Ft Riley. Straight zeros.
That busting got me transfered to LT Green's platoon known ass the ghost platoon. There were eight of us. Several guys who were too over weight and being Chaptered, the retention NCO, a couple of other slots, and me. I became the company clerk/ Mechanic, radio repair man, BUT I got weekends off! Hurt me baby!
They introduced me to LT Green which BTW is not his real name. I soon heard the story's about him. With uber short manning, and morale in the gutter, it soon fell to me to do the 2404s on all the unit's vehicles. That way, at least, the guys didn't have to suffer any worse. They were working 14 hr days, twelve on patrol, one for guard mount, and one for paper work after plus PT every other day.
Side Story here. Just prior to getting kicked off the road, I nailed a dependent for DUI. The guy lost control of his vehicle, plunged into a ditch, nearly hit a couple of other cars, all as I watched. Another LT ended up being my back up. Several days after getting relieved of duty, I was in the orderly room when this hot shot, a blue to gold former navy corpsman, and an awesome officer popped in with a list of demands so ridiculous that I looked up from my desk and shot him the one finger salute. He immediately grabbed his collar and jerked his rank forward. I responded by saluting with my right as I reasserted the finger with my left. He was returning the salute when his eyes got huge and he looked to his left, my right. I swiveled my head, and there was the CO, Captain Gonzales. His jaw dropped so far that his glasses slid off and down into his shirt. Thank GOD the LT was able to assure the Capt that all was OK, still the CO decided maybe the orderly room was not the best place for my ass, so off to the motor pool I went.
One of the platoons had painted a unit symbol on their jeeps, a grim reaper on a horse holding an M-16. Yes, this was back in the time of the ubiquitous M151. My Platoon sergeant decided we needed something as well. he had his ideas, I had mine. The following day I reported to him that I had the perfect logo, and my jeep was now memorialized with it. In short order, the CO, 1SG, PSG, and LT Green were at the motor pool to see my art work. With out a drum roll,I removed the tarp to reveal a gray primered silhouette of a squirrel.
First question, "What the heck is it?"
"Why, a squirrel!"
"Why is it gray?"
"Because he's old."
Lt Green was now LT RED! Crimson red, boiled lobster red, lava about to explode red. The only reason he did not submit paper work to Courts Martial me was because he was too livid to type it up.
By the end of the day every member of the unit had seen it. The next morning the Battalion XO met me in the parking lot, told me it had been the topic of much conversation at the O club, then told me to get it painted over ASAP. I'd made points with the Colonel who was mad at me over my letter to the General because he had gotten a lot of gaff from the CG about the crash report.
I was back on the road in another month. It was short lived. I was short, and they could only keep short timers writing reports for so long. I wrote a lot of reports. My standard beat was the hospital. Some of what came in turned stomachs of the kids we had. I was a callous ass hole. Some said heartless. remember the scene from Dirty Harry where the detective was eating a hot dog at a crime scene? I walked out of an attempted suicide and had spaghetti.
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