Harry Reid, John Boehner, and Nancy P Lousyare travelling down The Yellow Brick Road. After a while they encounter a wizard.
"I am a great and powerful wizard, and I will grant each one of you what you need the most," says the wizard.
"Harry Reid, you don't actually care about any of the citizens. So to you I will give a heart."
"Gee, thanks Mr. Wizard," said a suddenly grateful Reid.
"John Boehner: you are too afraid to stand up to the nutcases in the House. So to you I will give courage."
"Gosh, thanks wiz!" sobbed Boehner, wiping away some tears.
"Ooh, ooh! I know I know! Yer gonna give me a brain and make me super smart, aren't ya wizard dude?" exclaimed Nancy P Lousy.
"Look lady," he replied. "I'm a wizard, not a fucking miracle worker."