Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Some redneck humor

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the Redneck leaned over and confided to the bartender, I'm so pissed off !

Oh yeah? What happened? asked the bartender politely.

See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!

Gee, that's tough! commiserated the bartender.

Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated, the redneck went on.

When her husband came into the room he said; Hey great! You're naked already! Let me just take a leak.

And damned if the lazy son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?

Yeech! the bartender shook his head. No wonder you're in a lousy mood.

Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window. And where does it land? My damned forehead!

Damn, that really is a drag! says the bartender.

Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!

The bartender paled. That would sure mess up my day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the redneck rattled on, but do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When the sun came up, I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!!


Gregory said...

HaaaHaaahahahaha. Great for a Monday AM.

Anonymous said...

Joke for your perusal.

Guy walks into a bar, sits down in front of the bartender and demands 10 shots of the strongest, most awful tasting whiskey the bartender has, all lined up one after the other in a row.

Bartender puts a quick 10 shots, lined up nicely, onto bar in front of fellow and he proceeds to down them one after another, without missing a beat, until finally he drinks the tenth one and slams the shot glass upside down onto the surface of the bar.

After a moment, the bartender speaks- Listen pal, I've been bartending for many, many years. When I see a person drink like that, it means one of two things. Either you're celebrating something or you're trying to forget something. Which is it?

The guy says slowly- Actually, I'm kinda celebrating my first blow job.

Bartender says- Good for you, buddy! Alright! Here, let me pour you another shot, on the house, to celebrate your first blow job!

Guy says- no, save it, save it. If that first ten shots of whiskey can't get this taste outta my mouth, that eleventh one ain't gonna help.

ba-dum tisch