A completely inebriated redneck walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated there, walked over to her and began kissing her passionately.
She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable fool!" she screamed.
"That's funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her!"
5 minutes ago