The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada
has intensified in the days since the election, sparking calls for increased patrols
to stop the illegal immigration.
The election of Donald Trump is prompting the exodus among
left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray,
and agree with Brett Baier.
Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
professors, animal-rights activists, and Antifa crossing their
fields at night.
“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield,
whose acreage borders North Dakota.
The producer was cold, exhausted, and hungry.
“He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When
I said I didn’t have any, he left. Didn’t even get a chance to show
him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers
that blare old Rush Limbaugh programs across the fields.
“Not real effective,” he said. “The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn’t give milk.”
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
near the Canadian border, pack them into EV's, drive
them across the border, and leave them to fend for themselves.
“A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions,” an
Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a drop of
drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet,
though.”
Many of the vehicles are running out of juice due to the lack of charging stations between Columbia Falls MT and Calgary. Hwy 22 is littered with Tesla's and Ford Lightnings. The lines at the few stations in Ft Macleod Stretch for miles. Digbee's Diner ran out of free range chicken late Wednesday and you can't get kale anywhere.
When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors
have been circulating about the Trump administration’s establishing
re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic
beer and watch NASCAR.
In the days since the election, liberals have turned to
sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to
posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian
prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised
in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses
and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers.
“If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age,” an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
Sarandon movies.
“I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t
support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history majors
does one country need?”
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice
President elect Vance met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that
the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source
close to the White House said.
“We’re going to have some Taylor Swift concerts. And we
might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is
determined to reach out.”
