Saturday, January 31, 2015

A little morning humor

An 8-foot alligator was found in the backyard of a suburban Los

Angeles home where the reptile had been living illegally since the


When news got out that the gator had been illegally living in

California for over forty years, it was immediately named the national

animal of Mexico.

Friday, January 30, 2015



The implant is specifically designed to be injected in the forehead.

When properly installed, it will instantly allow the terrorist to speak to ALLAH.

It comes in various sizes: Generally from .223 to .50 cal.

The exact size of the implant will be selected by a well-trained and highly skilled technician, who will also make the injection.
No anesthesia is required. The implant is likely to be painless.
Side effects, like headaches, nausea, aches or pains are extremely temporary.

Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site. In most cases, it’s not noticeable.

A little morning humor

7-11 is leaving Kansas

All their Owners are quitting.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

DDT and genocide.

It dawned on me the other day why Leftards wanted DDT banned. Used properly, it interrupts the reproductive cycle of Mooslimes. We all know what DDT does, it kills flies. A human can drink it and would suffer no harm. None, nada,zip. So how is it then that DDT could wipe out islame?
Simple. the Mooslimes reproductive cycle goes like this, Mohamhead's followers fuck goats rather then the female of our species. We all know that. Flies are attracted to  the scent, and land on the backs of the goats. they track through the semen and get it on their feet. They are then attracted by the stench coming from under the skirts of the arab women, fly up under the burkas and deposit sperm there thus completing the reproductive cycle for these followers of Satan.

The perfect son

A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

A little morning humor

Do not look below the fold!

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

A little morning humor

Apparently, I snore so loud that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Dog's Pet Peeves

When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.

Blaming your farts on me...not funny.

Yelling at me for barking...I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!

How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt?)

Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who's walk is this anyway?

Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.

Yelling at me for rubbing my ass on your carpet...Why'd you buy carpet?

Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet...idiot.

How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.

Dog sweaters? ...... Have you noticed the fur?..... Imbecile.

Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. (Now you know why we chew your shit up when you're not home.)

When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?

Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out everytime we go back.

The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.

A little morning humor

Yesterday I asked a homeless lady if I could take her home. When she said yes, I ran off with her cardboard box.

Monday, January 26, 2015

Something extra to kickstart a winter Monday

Two nuns were sitting at a traffic light their car in Dublin when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.

"Hey, show us your chest, ye bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.

The Mother Superior turns to Sister Margaret, "I don't think they know who we are. Show them your cross."

So Sister Mary Margaret rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off ye little fookin' wankers, before I come over there and rip yer nuts off!"

Sister Mary Margaret looks back at the Mother Superior and asks, "Was that cross enough?!"

Its simple

No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between "complete" and "finished." However, in a linguistic conference, held in Honolulu, Hawaii and attended by some of the best linguistics in the world, one of them was very clever in a contest between members.

One finalist in the competition was asked this challenge question:

Some say there is no difference between "complete" and "finished." Please explain the difference in a way that will be easily understood.

His response was:

When you marry the right woman, you are "complete." If you marry the wrong woman, you are "finished." And, when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are "completely finished."

His answer received a standing ovation.

A little morning humor

Two cannibals, father and son, were hunting one afternoon and they came across a beautiful young blonde sunbathing in the nude. They were both extremely stunned by her gorgeous body.

The son asked his father, "What do you say we take her home and eat her?"

The father replied, "Actually, I was thinking that maybe we should take her home and eat your mother."

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Dear Barry

Your Harvard education
doesn't make me respect you more -
it makes me respect Harvard less.

Why do leftard's hate circumcision?

A fight is on in Florida over the circumcision of a child. It has gone on so long that the boy is now four. It is a procedure that should take place as soon as possible after birth, and one that is known to have medical benefit. When I was a teen, it was already widely known that circumcision effected the rate of cervical cancer in women. Women who had sex with only circumcised men had a lower rate. We now know that is because of HPV, and how it is spread. HPV also causes penile cancer. I guess that is why feminazi's want men to keep the foreskin... and then lose there peckers.
On facebook a while back, some gal stated that she was going to circumcise her son. if she had one, because it would lessen his sensitivity. People piled on her for that big time. That would be a benefit since men tend to reach orgasm faster then women, it would increase pleasure for the gal. They don't see it that way.
GOD commanded circumcision for his people. I guess he knew about HPV and ladies pleasure long before the first feminazi slithered upon the planet. It has been a long standing practice here in the United States. In 1979, 64.5% of baby boys were circumcised. that number has dropped, mainly because insurance companies call it an unnecessary procedure and will not pay for it in many cases. The number now stands just above 58%..
Increasing the rate of circumcision has helped slow the spread of anal injected death serum in Africa. The AIDS virus needs a place to grow. It is a fragile virus. No matter whether an infected man is circumcised, if he ejaculates inside a vagina or an anus, the virus is almost guaranteed to spread. But if a man has been cut, his chances of contracting it from an infected woman or pervert is greatly reduced.
The most ironic thing though for me regarding circumcision though is that for all its benefits for the female of the species, Mooslimes do everything in their power to insure that women still cannot enjoy sex. I'll cover that more some other time.


Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, "How many of
you have forgiven your enemies?" 80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

"Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly.

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-eight," she replied.

"Oh, Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front and tell
us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an
enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the

congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches."

A little morning humor

Early one morning an elderly, retired Marine yelled to his wife: “Honey, come see what I created! It’s an abstract panorama depicting the six years of the Obama presidency.”

She yelled back: “Flush the toilet and come eat your breakfast !"

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Thought for the day

What do you get if you cross a motorway with a wheelbarrow?

Run over.

What if...

17,000 atheists in the Middle East rioted this week after a blank sheet of paper was found on a cartoonist's desk.

What are friends for?

I was passing by the bar on the way home from work when I saw my best friend Simon gulping down one shot after another.

"Si, what's going on?", I asked.

"It's my wife, Claire", Simon replied. "She ran off with my best friend!"

"Hey wait a second!", I asked, "Aren't I your best friend?"

"Not any more", Simon said with a happy smile.

"He is!!"

For all you Marines

A little morning humor

There was three guys walking down a hill a black guy, a Mexican guy, and a Chinese guy.
Then they got kidnapped by a crazy gay guy.
He said, "If all three of your dicks add up to 12 inches your lives will be spared."
The black guy pulls down his pants and he measured 6 inches,
the mexican measured 4 inches
and the the asian measured 2 inches.
Their lives got spared.

Walking down that same hill the black guy said, "You are lucky im black"
The mexican said, "You are lucky im Mexican"
Then the Chinaman said, "You are soooo lucky I had a boner".

Text Me
So I texted my friend the other day, and I asked her "What's up?"
And she says "I'm going to watch poor innocent hamsters be grilled and fried, then decapitated, and served in inconspicuous boxes to the unsuspecting public."
And I said "Oh, so you got a job at a Chinese food place. Nice."

Eye Doctor
A Chinese guy has problems with his eyes so he goes to an eye doctor.
The optometrist tests him and says "I know what the problem is you have a cateract."
The Chinese guy says "I don't have cateract I have rinconcontinantal."

Family of 5
A Chinese family of 5, named Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu decided to immigrate to the United States.

In order to get a visa, they have to Americanize their names.

Chu became Chuck.
Bu became Buck.
Hu became Huck.

Su and Fu decided to stay in China!

Teachers Assistant
A Chinese teachers assistant was teaching some college students, His thick accent affected his "Th" sound.

"What is one turd plus one turd?" He asked, Trying to say "Third".

"A pile of shit!" Replied a student.

Friday, January 23, 2015

A little morning humor

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a muslim man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Mohammed, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

Thursday, January 22, 2015

A little morning humor

A Harvard Professor reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it,no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well Barack, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

News from Hollywood

Walt Disney's new film "Jet Black", the African-American version of Snow White, has been cancelled. All seven dwarfs: Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Forger, Drive-By, Homeboy, and Shank have refused to sing "Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho" because they say it offends black prostitutes. They also said there ain't no way they were going to sing "Off to work we go."

A little morning humor

There's a long-standing, untrue rumor that Muslims are forbidden to use toilet paper.

It probably stemmed from the fact that they're not allowed to make

images of Mohammed.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

And they make sick jokes about US?

I hope this is a hoax, but an article on Fox claims that an unnamed teen planes to marry her biological father and then move to New Jersey because adult incest is legal there. I could make a ton of jokes, mostly mooslime, about this, but it is just too sick to prank.
New Jersey? Liberal lala land? What is wrong with this picture? I am mostly libertarian, but every thing has its limit, and the idea of a father poking his own daughter is beyond sick. I sincerely hope that what ever state they now reside in learns about the marriage, and after confirming it, files sexual assault charges on him. Most states have statutes of limitations, so I hope they act quickly.

A little morning humor

Not feeling well, and being concerned about his immortality,

Barack Obama consults with a psychic about the date of his death.

Closing her eyes and reaching out to the future, she tells the
President, “You will die on a Jewish holiday.”

With much anxiety, Barack asks, “Which holiday/”

“It really doesn’t matter.” She replies. “Whenever you die,
it will be a Jewish holiday.

Monday, January 19, 2015

A little morning humor

A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class.
The subject of the day is involuntary muscles.
The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks her if she knows what her asshole does when she's having an orgasm.
" Sure," she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids."

Sunday, January 18, 2015

A little morning humor

Seahags vs Slackers

I didn't catch the first quarter, but this is looking like it will be a Green Bay blowout.  Wilson's best receivers have all been wearing yellow helmets. So much for the point spread. Two good teams.

Friday, January 16, 2015

More about Moe Hamhead

Earlier I told you a little about the pedophile from Mecca and how his wife laughed when she first saw him naked. Tonight, I want to expand on that a little just to piss off a few more camel screwers.
After Aisha quit laughing, Moe, who was nude on the bed, pointed at his privates, and asked if she knew what it was. Aisha exclaimed with delight, "That's a wee wee."
"No", said Moe, "this is a cock."
Aisha grinned, and said, "NO, that's a wee wee."
"Girl", said the false prophet, "this is a cock.
"Oh no!" Exclaimed Aisha, "Cocks are black and much larger."
Which is why the Arab mooslimes have spent a thousand years enslaving the Negro's of Africa.

Strive to never accidentally piss off a mooslime. Do it with full intent and deliberation. Make every syllable hurt.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

How should she respond?

Jodi Ernst has been tapped to deliver the response to Deer Readers State of the Union. What will she say? A woman who campaigned on a plan to cut pork vs the biggest spender that ever went to Washington is a contrast greater than day vs night.
She could openly mock his over reach, his crazy spending, his unending efforts to make all American poor. She could dissect his proposals, point out their flaws, and remind him that Americans overwhelmingly rejected his agenda which he put front and center in the 20147 elections.
Or she could just stand there and laugh. If it was me, that is what I would do. Laugh,laugh harder, fall on the floor laughing, laugh til I was gasping for air and on the verge of passing out! Catch my breath, utter "wada maroon", then start laughing some more. Then, after all the nutworks cut to a commercial, regain my composure, get back on my feet, and when the telecast resumed, ask, "does any one take him seriously any more?" Then fall down laughing again.
Congratulation Joni, I know you won't do my plan. Let what you say be the Gettysburg address of a new era of smaller more efficient government.

Why mooslimes hate Jews

I've already explained to you about Mohammy having a small penis. His favorite wife laughed when she saw him nude.
Back in Mecca, in the 6th century, there was a fairly large community of Christians and Jews. Before becoming a false prophet, the pedophile was a trader. he would travel through out the region with a string of camels.
Well, riding with out a good saddle brought problems, so he went to see the local doctor who happened to be a Jew. Go figger. An assistant escorted old Mo into an examination room and instructed him to strip. When Dr Goldstein cam in though, Hammy was still clothed in his travel garb, and acting embarrassed about removing it. Good Dr Ben, using his best bedside manners assured him that he had seen thousands of men naked, and that he was a professional, and there was nothing to be concerned with.
Reluctantly then the camel boinker removed his garb, revealing the smallest penis the good doctor had seen in his nearly forty years as a physician, new borns included. At first, he smirked, then he began to chuckle, and in less than a minute, he was rolling on the floor in a fit of laughter.
Finally, regaining his composure, he first apologized to the false prophet, then assured him that he would do his utmost to maintain his professional bearing. He then asked Mo to explain the problem.
Pointing at his tiny member, Mohamhead stated, "Its swollen."
And now you know the real reason the splody dopes hate Jews.

A little morning humor

My wife said it's time I lost some weight so she bought me a pedometer. I have to wear it on my wrist and, with every step I take, it records the slight vibration and can tell how many miles I have walked in one day.

It's great, I've been sitting on the couch all day, watching "Girls Gone Wild". It says I've walked 32 miles!!

Tuesday, January 13, 2015


Story about a poor farmer

There was a poor man who had a herd of goats. He also had a beautiful teenage daughter. Part of her daily chores included feeding and caring for the goats.
One day she rushed in to the barn where her father was busy milking the goats and exclaimed, "Dad, there are some Mormon missionaries coming up the driveway.
Dad replied, "You know how those morons are girl, go hid in the closet."
Several days later, again she saw strangers approaching, and rushed to her dad. "Father," she exclaimed, "there are Jehovah's Witnesses coming up the driveway."
"Dear Lord daughter," Exclaimed dad, "You know how those Witless's are, go hid in the closet."
The next day, she again burst in on dad, "father, there are muslims coming up the driveway!"
"Oh Lord" exclaimed dad, "You know how those muslims are girl, hide the goats in the closet."

Islamic normalism is on its way. WATCH OUT

Why do people call what happened in France extreme? Looking back at 1000 years of mooslime interaction with western culture, or any civilized culture for that matter, what happened in France is normal behavior for them. Look at places like Saudi Arabia where Christianity is forbidden. In the years prior to 9-11-01, stories about guest workers from places like South Korea, or the Philippines being beheaded for their faith were common place. This is not a new phenomena, the religion of perverts has been acting this way since Mohamhead the pedophile got booted out of the Jewish synagogue in Mecca. He attempted to pass himself off as an apostle or prophet, but after listening to him, Christians, Jews, and all the crazy little religions that abounded in Mecca laughed him to scorn. We see in his early writings consolation toward the Christians and Jews, but after they sent him packing for good, he became bitter, calling for their destruction.
His early followers were the weak and weak minded. Not much has changed. His book of BS contains so many contradictions, it might as well say nothing. Which essentially, it does any way.
After fleeing to Medina, Mohammy began his life of child molestation. He married a child of six, and began having sex with her when she was eight. The hadith written by this baby state that when she went in with him to consummate the marriage, she laughed. Lets dwell on this a moment. She was a virgin. We don't have many virgin marriages today, but lets picture how it goes. After the wedding, the couple retire to the honeymoon suite. She darts into the bathroom and changes from her wedding dress to some sexy attire. The guy does what all guys do, strips naked then flops down on the bed to await her. Most virgins walking out of the bathroom see his boner, and gasp! That thing is gonna fit in this little vagina? With Asha, we have the opposite reaction. She sees it and breaks into laughter. My bet is she had seen a couple of guys naked. likely playmates her own age, but maybe a grown man or two. I would not expect she had ever seen an erection though. How small was it? No wonder he hated blacks.
Eventually the false prophet and his band of merry losers went back and took control of Mecca. From there, they spread out to all the surrounding regions using methods similar to those used today. When they are few, they say they want to live among you in peace. As they grow more numerous, they begin to demand special treatment and recognition, and eventually they begin all out attacks on anything they consider to not be in strict compliance with whatever idiot they follows claims s his view of the Satanic verses. Europeans eventually got sick of the BS and the killings. Remember the Crusades? They were about kicking normal islam out of Europe and making the world safe.
It was a lesson quickly forgotten. By the time of the American Revolution, Europe was again having problems with the goat molesters. Our first fight after gaining independence was with the muslims of present day Libya. They were not some far left religious group, they were mainstream followers of the pedophile. They were killing and robbing Christians, Jews, and every other religious group.
People talk about an islamic reformation in a form similar to the  the reformations of the Catholic Church that led to the beginnings of the Lutheran and other groups. Keep this in mind, Luther did not write a new Bible. He, a man versed in the languages of the Bible only translated it into German. He asked the Papacy to quit teaching things that were not contained in Holy Scripture. That is not the case with mooslimes. The people who are attacking and killing Christians and Jews in France are not misinterpreting Mohamheads stack of trash, They are following it to the letter. Islam does not need reformation, it needs extermination. That's not gonna happen though. Leaders of the world will cave to the goat fuckers. The seat which for decades was occupied by the leader of the free world is now occupied by a man who is a piss poor leader, if one at all, but more importantly, one who is a mooslime.
If you've ever read the Bible, you know what's coming. Whether it takes a few months, a few years , or another decade, make no mistake, The actions of the islamists are clearly described in the books of Revelation and Daniel. Beneath the alter of GOD will be gathered the people who are slaughtered for their faith. They won't be muslims. They will be people who don't have a gun to defend themselves.
So, think about it, this isn't radical islam, this is just islam. They await the return of their hidden imam. When satan is cast down to earth, he may very well present himself as the return of that evil man. I could be wrong about that. I'm not wrong about islam though. We have had 1400 years of their BS, and its still the same BS.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

White lives matter too

No, this isn't about blacks killing whites. It isn't about black cops killing whites, its about cops killing period. The black community is in an uproar about several recent blacks killed by people who were not black. A lot of it is fueled by the black grievance industry Captained by Jesse Hymietown Jackass, and Al Tawana Brawley Crown Heights Riots Freddie’s Fashion Mart Arson Sharpton. They have picked a couple of losers, St Skittles, and St Swisher Sweets, but there have been blacks killed by cops who did not need killing. This is not about them. They have their pitchmen.
Instead, this is about people who have been murdered by out of control cops. In Billings Montana, police officer Grant Morrison shot 38-year-old Richard Ramirez. Ramirez was not armed. In all likelihood, he  was stoned, he was a meth addict. I have no use for meth addicts, but it does not warrant a death sentence unless handed down by a jury. This is not the first time Morrison has murdered some one from behind his badge. in 2013 he shot Jason Shaw who had a BB gun during a traffic stop.
In Salina Kansas, deputies murdered Brock Nichols after going to his home to do a welfare check requested by his estranged wife. The officers were at the home for close to two hours. A welfare check should never take more than five minutes.
There are many police shootings every year. Many are justified as in the case of St Swisher Sweets. A claim of an officer in fear for his life should never be acceptable. Real physical danger should be required, along with a requirement that the officers be FULLY in the right. Cases where a SWAT team kicks down the wrong door at 3AM killing a home owner who thought it was burglars should always result in a conviction. Cops are supposed to be the professionals.
If a suspect is killed and is not armed, or posing a real threat, it should be an automatic death sentence for the cop who killed him. I am not referring to some crazy who is swinging punchs kicks, or a chain. Not some one who is in a physical altercation with the officer unless he did not instigate the physical altercation. For crying out loud, the cops have body armor, Joe average does Not!
If the perp has a gun, he must be attempting to use it. reaching for his waist? So what? Until the gun is in his hand, and is being swung toward the officer, or some innocent bystander, It should be a no shoot situation. Yes, some one can swing a gun up awfully fast, but a bullet travels at 1500 or more feet per second, and if the cop has his gun on target or close, he will still win that argument.
Second, the cop must have a right to be where he is when he pulls the trigger. In the case of Brock Nichols, that did not exist. The cop had no right to be in the bedroom. In my opinion, the cop lost his right to be in the home five minutes after he arrived.
More and more, our police are turning into thugs as bad as any street gang. They are aided and abetted by a system of liars who promote the violence because it means job security. Real criminals get a free pass from the courts all too often. That puts them back on the streets doing their crimes before the victims have time to digest that they walked free.
Since 9-11, our police have become militarized. every petty department has to have swat teams and fancy gear. The embattled military mentality is getting worse. They are no longer protecting us, they thing they are ruling us.
Every time a cop kills and gets a free pass, the family sues and gets a huge payday. That money does not come out of the cops pocket. He is held harmless by a corrupt system. Instead, it is taken out of the pockets of the people whether through higher property taxes, or insurance premiums, it is never the bad cop who pays.
Cops who kill should stand trial, a public trial before a jury of citizens. Since I have no faith in the lawyers who are elected to serve as prosecution doing a fair job, in cases such as these, it should be a special prosecutor chosen by the family of the deceased. Then we will have a better chance of justice.
If cops face the real threat of financial pain, or prison for their thug like actions, they might think twice. Yes, I believe Darren Wilson should have stood trial for killing St Swisher sweets. I believe he would have been exonerated, and then the black grievance industry would have been silenced.
There are a lot of good cops out there, don't get me wrong. Bad actions by one tarnish many, and as has been shown, may place the lives of other cops in real danger. Cops are supposed to work for us. Lets reestablish the employer employee link, and put the people back in charge.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

A few thoughts to start your day off wrong

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog
run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the
right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then
your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice:
The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met any mooslimes.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's
really in trouble.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for
it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles
don't hurt.

Did you ever notice:
When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs."