A little morning humor

IT’S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT’S A BOY".
And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!

What would a matriarchal society look like?

The feminazis have been telling us for years how bad this nation is and that it is all because men run everything. Any one who  honestly believe that is delusional, wise men listen to their wives. That doesn't mean we always do what they say though, but a second opinion is not a bad thing most times.
So what would society look like if women were in charge? would it be the bed of roses that the National Association of Gals claims? As it happens, we have such a society that we can examine. Its now called Chiraq!
Wait! What? Chiraq? Yes, the great hell hole on the lake, recent home of illegal alien, and pResidential pretender Barry Soetoro. I thought Chicago was run by men, Most recently Rhamb(oz)o, and prior to that the Daley machine. Well, in a political sense, you are correct, what I am ranting about is at the family level.
Since 1964 and Johnsons grate Society, women have increasingly been running the homes in the mistake on the lake, and many metropolitan regions, especially in black households.
I see a racist rant coming here. Sorry, this is not about race other than to note how the black society has been the victims of this social engineering failure. Poor whites, Hispanics, and Asians also suffer from this problem, but it is not concentrated like it is with blacks in Chicago.
After Johnson and the communists created welfare, many of the southern states loaded their poor onto buses and sent them to Chicago. Although it would seem it was an effort to punish the Land of Lincoln for freeing them, that is not the case. Chicago was playing fast and loose with welfare benefits. Southern states had waiting lists, and other barriers which limited the access to those benefits for blacks. The net effect was that the black family, once the strongest family group in America began to disintegrate and poor fathers left the homes so their women and children would be cared for by the state.
Today in Chicago, all most black men provide to the family is STDs. Semen and Tax Dollars. (or semen taxes and drugs). The vast majority of black children in Chicago are raised in a family unit with no adult males present. Fifty years on, we see the terrible results as Chicago's murder rate has exploded. In the first generation, the problem was small. there was still a grandfather who was there to provide male leadership to his grandsons and grand daughters. When the second generation with out a man in the home arrived, dad was now a great grandfather, and much older. his influence was limited by his age and ability which were also stretched across lines of years and numbers as his grand daughters had more kids who got less of his time.
In a normal family, the father provided the discipline. all mom did was love the kids to death. Figuratively of course. In Chicago, its nearly literal. Any gang banger you listen to will go on and on about how much he loves his mom and wants the best for her. The problem is he has no idea how to provide because the home does not contain a working dad, and usually no working mother either, so no example for him to learn from, and like rats in a cage, any who try to better themselves in a traditional manor, get pulled down by the group.
I do not believe for a minute that blacks are inferior to whites. Condi Rice, and Ben Carson are not anomalies. George Washington Carver was an uneducated black. Think what he would have discovered had he been educated. Instead, he was wise. Truly wise.
We as a nation have squandered 10% of our human potential. The problem is not the color of their skin, but rather that their family was dismantled, fathers replaced with EBT cards, and mothers unwilling or unable to impart discipline.
Chicago is what a matriarchal society looks like. We now see, after fifty years, what a world with out male influence would become. If this is what you want, please stop and let me off. any rock will do.

Boy vs girl

Boy : Marry me.. ?
Girl: Do you have a house..?
Boy : No..
Girl: Do you have a BMW car.. ?
Boy : No..
Girl: How much is your salary.. ?
Boy : No salary.. but,..
Girl: No but. You have nothing.. How can i
marry you.??
Leave please.!
Boy: (talking to himself) I have one villa, 3
property lands, 3 Ferrari, 2Porsche.. Why I
still need to buy BMW.?! How can I get the
salary when actually I am the BOSS

FOD

I guess my least favorite author is probably Hitler.

Or Obozo 

House is a mess ...

Walked in the other day and there were 2 people on the couch, blindfolded, filming a Fabreeze commercial.

MH370 and the beltway snipers

NO, I do not for a minute think that John Mohamhead or Lee Boyd Malvoe, or any supporters they might have are behind the missing flight. They were insignificant assholes with a deeply personal agenda, and they failed. Hopefully whom ever was behind the taking of MH370 has also failed.
That said, remember back when Washington was living in fear? every night we had reports, be on the lookout for this, watch out for that, but never was there an accurate description of the snipers or their vehicle.
We now know that the FBI knew what they were looking for as far as a vehicle, within a few days. They never made that information public. If they had, there is a chance that they would have ditched the vehicle, and given up on their planned assassination, and never been caught.
Whats that got to do with a missing jet?
Is it possible that our CIA knows exactly where the jet is? but for diplomatic or other reasons has not yet acted? The NSA knows every web page I visit, and every text message I send. Is it possible they know every detail about the plane?
Sure, Oblowme is an idiot, but he is just a puppet, and the guy pulling his strings is more interested in destroying capitalism then finding a jet, but a feather midsummer might help prop up a faltering house louse or three.
No, I'm not insinuating that dear reader had the plane snatched. He aint competent enough to pull off an October surprise like Benghazi with out creating a cluster fuck. What I am saying is they may try to turn it into a political score later rather then now, unless the plane were to be armed and launched against a target other then Israel. How many times did Jarrett scratch the bin Fishfood raid?
At this point, I do not believe the plane crashed into the ocean. If it had, there would be flotsam. We have not yet found any. I wish we had. I sincerely hope our government, no matter what it says,is still considering a terrorist option.
OK, yeah, its bad enough our pResident is buddy buddy with some old ones.
If that plane is sitting some where like Africa, or one of the carbombistans, I hope they have a Delta team raid in the works. My belief is that if some group wanted to snatch a plane, weaponize it, and attack the USA with it, they would need to have a turn around time of under 48 hours to have any chance of success. Frankly, its also possible the plane has already been destroyed, and they are wringing political clout out of it. The government is spending a lot of money on the search, but most of that money would have been spent any way. Sailors get paid whether they are in port or at sea. Meals get cooked either way, and nuclear fuel is cheap.
Did I lose my mind? If so, it was a long time ago.

A little morning humor

I washed my antibiotic pills down with a probiotic shake and now I'm back to square one

Poor kid

A teacher at Stovall Middle School decided to perform a full contact lap dance for one of her students for his birthday. We might be inclined to say lucky kid, but have you seen her picture? I guess the good news is, she kept her cloths on. Poor kid's gonna be scarred for life.

Ever wonder what other countries think of us?

Me neither, and frankly, I don't give two shits either. This however was funny, and in some ways, weird. Buzzfeed made the mistake of asking their British orifice what they thought of our great nation. Well, now we know, they are as clueless as liberals.

F I D

Mine eyes have seen the danger
Of the coming of allah
He is trampling on the freedoms
Of my home, America
He hath loosed Islamic morons
From the sand peninsula
His book is camel Dung

Danger! Danger! Pedopilia
Danger! Danger! it's shari'a
Danger! Danger! Piss be on him
Aloha great snack bar.

Learning to hate winders all over again

The old PC crashed. It was time. The thing was over seven years old. That's like a hundred in redneck years.
I got that system when its predecessor caught a virus. At that time I was switching from XP to Vista. I liked Vista so much I spent several bills fixing the old computer. I managed to squeeze two more years out of it. By then, some of Vista's bugs were ironed out.
Yup, I did not like Vista much.
My old system took a dump though. After fighting with it for two days and multiple crashes, I decided it was time for it to go to PC hell.
The new system is Windows Hate. err I mean Windows8. So far, the reviews I had read are kind. I cannot understand why they want super high screen resolution. Frankly, 1024x768 is too small for my liking. I do not want eye strain, nor do I want a monitor that requires me to take eight steps to read a ten word sentence.
The more I use it, the more I dislike it. It is not what I would want in a work system.
Hate is designed for touch screen systems. If you don't have one, the thing is a pain. It was intended for noids and their droids. No, I'm not impressed with smart phones. Most of the people who have them are compensating because they aint. If you can't live with out texting your friends ever three minutes, you have a problem. Same for twits and twitter, its text messing on a party line, something that AT&T got rid of when I was a child. Seriously, I see and deal with people who text and text adnausium, when they could do the entire thing in a two minute conversation, minus all the "like"s and "err"s ala Oblowme.
This version was made with them in mind.
I will learn to like it I suppose, or hate it with a passion.

A little morning humor

Its Friday afternoon and a class of second graders are waiting to go home, the teacher stands up and "says" anyone who can answer this question can take Monday off, she asks how many buckets of sand in the Arizona desert.

The kids are stuned, the teacher says alright, no one can answer the question, no one can have a long weekend.
The following Friday the teacher asks how many buckets of water in the Atlantic Ocean, and once again no one could answer it.
The next Thursday after school one of the students from that class went home and grabed two golf balls from his garage, painted them black, let them dry and took them to school the next day.
Its five minutes to three and this kid knows that the teacher is going to ask a dumb question so he stands up and throws the golf balls at the black board and sits down really fast.
The teacher stands up and says, who's the comedian with the two black balls, the kid stands up and says "Bill Cosby" see you all on Tuesday.

Be more like GOD

A drunk lay slumped outside a bar, in serious need of a drink.
A passing priest and bishop started to lecture him on the evils of alcohol.
"You should be more like God, like me," said one.
The other argued, "No, my son, more like me. I am more like God."
The two holy men then argued over which was more like God.
Finally, the drunk interrupted. "I'm more like God than either of you arguing hypocrites, and if you give me ten bucks, I'll prove it!"
They accepted his challenge and each handed him five dollars. As the drunk stood, he said, "You two go sit in the bar and when I enter you'll have your proof." The bishop entered first and the barkeep said, "Good afternoon, Bishop, what'll you have?" Then the priest entered and the barkeep said, "Good afternoon, Father, what'll you have?"
Finally, the drunk came in waving his ten dollars.
The bartender shrugged, "Oh, God, not you again!"

A little morning humor

President Oblowme and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Barry's ear.
All of a sudden Barry looks at Moochelle and yells, "Okay, Michelle, GET OUT!".
She looks surprised but leaves.
The pitcher looks at Obambi and says, "No, I said to throw out the first PITCH!"

F I D

Q, why is a camel called , the ship of the dessert

A, because it s full of arab semen

A good business model

If you have ever had Corona, you know it aint good beer. In fact, its rated as one of Mexico's worst beers. That said, it is also one of thier most popular. Their business model? Sand sun and lime wedges.
So if you really want to sell those Obama action figures, do it on the beach. Sure, a few folks will get upset, but some liberal will certainly buy one for his kid.

way to go dumbass

A perennial hate candidate opened fire in a Kansas City Area Jewish Community Center on Sunday killing a man and his grandson. He then drove to a nearby Jewish retirement Center and killed a woman there. Police arrested Frazier Glenn Miller, a known White Supremest.  It is interesting to note that his victims were ALL Christians.
I guess the chicken shit bastard didn't have the balls to drive into a black neighborhood and try it.
This incident illustrates the importance of our Constitutional 2nd Amendment right. Even in the House of GOD, we should have people armed and vigilant. Of course there is a down side. had some one in Wichita been armed, Killer Tiller would still be murdering babies.
Enough of my sarcasm. My condolences to the families who lost loved ones. As for FG Miller, I ope you get to bunk with an angry black dude for the rest of your pitiful existence. May you be his bitch.

A little morning humor

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

So?

Kathleen Sebelius botched her farewell speech. big deal. screwing up is nothing new to her. From her time as Kansas Insurance Comissioner, to her time as Governor, right on to her time destroying American health care, her MO has been to screw up and do it in spades.
Her campaigns were funded by baby Killer Tiller. Efforts by Phil Kline to bring him to justice ended when the Kansas Corrupt Court system assaulted him for truth and jerked his law license.
Oblowme declaring hell Care a success is step one in a bid to launch her campaign for the 2016 Communist Party nomination.
If you thought they could find no one worse than Hitlery, think again. Yes, we are in trouble.
Communism has failed in Russia. It is failing in China. Vietnam learned fast after the fall of Saigon, yet over educated idiots still want to try it here, and the Klusterfuck from Kansas is Barry's choice.

F I D

What do you get if two Muslims hop on a train?

Off.

A little morning humor

There was a man who really took care of his body.

One day he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tan all over except for his penis.

So he decided to do something about it.

He went to the beach and got completely undressed and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out.

Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane.

Upon seeing the thing sticking up out of the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other lady, ''There is no justice in this world.''

The other lady asked what she meant. "Well, when I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot all about it. Now I'm 80 and the damn things are growing wild and I'm too old to squat!"

Story of the day

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she`s pregnant. She is furious. Here she`s about to run for President of the United States, and this has happened to her.

She calls Bill on the phone, and immediately starts screaming: "How could you have let this happen? With all that`s going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you???!!! I can`t believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!! YOUR FAULT!!! Well, what have you got to say???"
There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again, "DID YOU HEAR ME???!!!"

Finally, she hears Bill`s very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this?"

This is their HELL

Andy and Ceil Barrie thought they had found a little piece of heaven in Colorado. That is until liberalism run amuck discovered what they had. Now they are fighting to keep their ten acres in the middle of the forest.
The communist thugs in Colorado's Summit County are misusing eminent domain to steal their property. For what purpose? None! Since the Supreme injustices of the Court made the monumental screw up known as Kelo, nothing is safe.
Colorado is in a strangle hold of communism do to the influx of  California weenies who fled the destructive problems brought on by communism run amuck in the land of fruits and nuts. They just don't learn, and Andy and his wife don't have the money to fight this much longer.
Whyen this is all said and done, it won't be just the Barries who lose, we all will.
I'd say punch every liberal you see and knock some sense into em, but they'd need to have a functional brain first. We can fight them at the ballot box though. I order to do that, we must not only vote, but make sure we have people at the voter precincts who are honest who will prevent fraud. with out true vigilance, they will steal our elections with impunity.
There is no difference between communism and nazism. The end goal is the same, control of our lives. only the path is different. Communism looks to class warfare, the route of those who control the democrat party. The people behind some of our lusterless republicans lean more toward nazism because class war would threaten their high power. either way is bad, we need to get back to being a constitutional republic, and follow the Constitution. Its not gonna happen. Like Hitler, those in power will destroy us rather then give up on their quest.

A little morning humor

One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached.
It'll just be one night of fun. The woman doctor agrees to it. So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom.
She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so.
Afterwards, the man says to the woman, You're a surgeon, aren't you? Yeah, how did you know? The man says, I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started. Oh, that makes sense, says the woman.
You're an anesthesiologist aren't you? Yeah, says the man, a bit surprised. How did you know? The woman answers, Because I didn't feel a thing.

A little morning humor

The postman is walking through the neighbourhood on his usual Monday route, delivering the mail.
As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.

His wonder was cut short by David, the home owner,coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.
'Wow David, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,' the Postman comments.

David, in obvious pain, replies 'Actually we had it Saturday night and this is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning.
We had about 15 couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild.

We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing 'WHO AM I.'

The Postman thinks a moment and says, 'How do you play WHO AM I?'

Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the 'family jewels' showing through a hole

in the sheet and then the women try to guess who it is.'



The postman laughs and says, 'Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it.'
'Probably a good thing you did,' David responded.'Your name came up 7 times.

A little morning humor

Why do single women take advice from other single women? That's like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions.

Now get me a sammich!

A little morning humor

I got arrested....

So then they handcuffed me and said "Anything you say can and will be held against you", so I said "Taylor Swift"

F I D

My new Muslim Girlfriend keeps talking about a..

blow-job.
I don’t know whether to get my cock out or to warn the FBI..........

A little morning humor

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise.She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"
Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze."
"The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"Maria: "Jor huzban he say so."
Wife: "Oh yeah?"
Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"
Maria: "Jor hozban did."
Wife, increasingly agitated: "Oh he did, did he?"
Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed."
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.
Wife: "And did my husband say that as well?"
Maria: "No Señora...."The gardener did."

Wife: "So, how much do you want?"

A little morning humor

I failed my driving test exam today. Apparently a muslim walking down the pavement wearing a backpack does not constitute a real hazard.

Seriously?