Baaaad

Five Swiss in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
A customs agent stops them and says, “I’m sorry, but it’s illegal to put five people in a Quattro. One of you will have to get out.”
“What do you mean, illegal?” asks the driver.
“Quattro means four,” replies the Italian official. “Not five.”
“But Quattro is the name of the car,” the stunned driver replies, “not its seating capacity.
Have a look at the papers. It IS designed to carry five persons.”
“You can’t pull that one on me,” replies the customs agent. “Quattro means four. You have five in your car, and you are therefore breaking the law. Either one person gets out or I’ll have to arrest you.”
The driver begins losing his temper. “You idiot! Call your supervisor;
we want to speak to someone with more intelligence!”
“I’m sorry,” responds the Italian, “he can’t come. He’s busy with two Frenchmen in a Fiat Uno.”

We need them there yesterday

President Trump has announced plans to deploy our National Guard to the Mexico border in order to stop the flood of illegals crossing in from Mexico and a multitude of other nations. Of course, the usual suspects are all opposed to this. The Aliens, Criminals, and Losers United aka ACLU is making smoke about this.
Given the levels of violence in Mexico, where an all out war is taking place between the various cartels and the Mexican government, maybe we should reconsider and deploy our troops so as to create a buffer zone. Lets say 100 miles south of the border?
The fighting in northern Mexico is reaching a level comparable to the civil war in Syria. With our own national interests foremost, in addition to securing the border, we should be looking at assisting the Mexican government in collapsing the cartel influence. This should be a national defense priority. Illegals hauling drugs endanger all of us. There have been numerous reports of fentanal seizures, and in Arizona, the number of busts has skyrocketed. Couple that with the meth traffic, and cocaine flowing up from South America, and the very real threat to our nation should be clear.
The ACLU however wants more criminals, more deaths, more destruction. Why? Only a democrat could tell you... And it wouldn't make sense.
We need to get the troops to the border ASAP. They need to be armed, and they need to be authorized to shoot back when attacked, and authorized to use deadly force to stop the invaders. What? do you think pop guns or blank ammo will scare people who would kill you with out so much as a second's hesitation? The cartels are ruthless, purest evil. Maybe even worse than Sanders supporters. I jest Bernie bots are chumps compared to what the cartels bring.
We have been catching these people, and deporting them, only to have them back in less time than it took to get them out of here. It's time to try something different. If Mexico want to be a third world shit hole, that is their choice. Whether it is imported here is ours, and like the President, I say NO!
As I have said many times, I have nothing against immigrants from Mexico and Central America. I want them to come legally so that the crap and criminals are kept out. I want them to come legally so they are not left to die in the deserts in Arizona New Mexico and Texas. I want them to come legally so they are not exploited by unscrupulous people who press them into jobs that are little more than slavery. I want them to come legally so they receive a fair wage. I want them to come legally so they pay their fair share in taxes. I want them to come legally because they are human beings who deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Legal status convey's that respect.
Bottom tier jobs? If they are willing to work, fine by me. Why are we importing doctors from India when American kids could be doing that? Are our kids too dumb? /sarc. I'll take the lowly Latino workers who hold family values over the socialist indoctrinated ones who want to make us their slaves.

People there are starving, BUT

Venezuela's former VP claims the supermarkets would be full if people didn't eat so much.
I guess he is  right. If people ate only 1/3 of what they needed every day, it wouldn't be as big a strain on the supermarkets. Funeral homes otoh would be making bank as people starve to death. Yes, I know, they are starving to death in their socialist utopia as we sit here.
This is the sort of crazy reasoning that fuels the leftist mind. This is what we would have to deal with if people like Bernie Sanders were to get elected, and it is what Mexico will be dealing with shortly as a crazy socialist leads in election polls there by 18 points. Lets hope the same people who did the polls for HiLlARy the slinky are polling the people there. If not, we need to man the border with tanks and artillery. An invasion is coming that will make the dreamer run on the border look like an empty bus. Think the African crisis Italy has experienced, but with the Mediterranean being only a few hundred feet wide.
This is insanity. The people in Mexico don't want to be like Venezuela. They are being manipulated by people who want to see a massive failure on our border that swamps our own government's ability to work in a humanitarian crisis. Since they are relatively disarmed, they have no ability to right  the ship once it capsizes. Thus, we will be invaded by refuse err refugees.

Roid rage?

We now know the identity of the WOMAN who shot several people at eew-tube. Nasim Aghdam is reported to be an Iranian vegan body builder. Talk about a time bomb with a faulty fuse! Sure, lots of women struggle with anger issues. very few of them turn out to be murderers. We know that vegans have serious issues. How do you know there is a vegan within a quarter mile? They tell you. See you eating meat? they get angry. Lack of protein often results in a lack of self control. Muzzie? Why it isn't the religion of pieces? Surprised she didn't take a bomb vest. Body builder? Steroids abuse? So many things that could set this woman off. I guess we should be amazed it took this long.
One the plus side, she is the only one dead. No seventy two virgins for you baby.
The claims are that the man she shot was her boy friend or ex-boyfriend. Lets see, being close to San Franfreakshow, did she find out he was a closet gay? is this another Pulse shooting? Not likely. Did he cheat on her? He worked at you-tube. Metro sexuals that low ask permission to get an erection.
Maybe she spied on him eating a chicken nugget.
Some commenters are reporting that she was upset that You-tube was editing her videos. It could very well be that the guy who got blasted didn't know her from Eve. We all know we can trust the media for honest evaluation and reporting of facts.
The irony is that while many conservative folks have dreams about going to San Bruno and shooting the asshats at you-tube, it was a left wing protected class member who actually did it.
To sum it up, as Hugh Jardon posted; MSLSD NEWSFLASH: An almost white light skinned Persian feMALE nearly Christian muslim had a problem at YouTube today.
Now Shaniquah, with the weather......

Misfits

A Navy Friend told me this one;
As their ship was getting ready to make port, most of the crew who were not needed were gathered on deck preparing for liberty. The Officer of the Deck (correct term?) was responsible for ensuring that sailors departing the ship were in regulation dress.
One sailor was decidedly not. This chap was an older guy, his dress whites weren't. His shoes had a Hershey bar shine, and he was missing his head gear. The lowly young ensign tasked with the job spotted this dirt bag and ripped into him, telling him to go below, and report back in zero five mikes with his shoes shined, and proper head gear.
As the sailor departed, the men standing around were all snickering. That ensign had sure showed who was boss.
Well, that dirt bag was back up in about zero two. No head gear, no shine, but he'd added one thing to his wardrobe. Poking the ensign on his shoulder, he bellowed, "Hey, you, have I got your attention? Do you see this?" Pointing at the addition to his uniform, a Congressional Medal of Honor. "do you know what you are supposed to be doing right now? That's right shit bird, you are supposed to be locked at attention saluting."
He continued, " when I'm wearing this I am entitled to an NCO and an Officer to escort me where ever I go what ever I do. Guess what shit bird, you are going to be MY escort today. Forget going home to your wife. Forget hugging your baby brat, you will be accompanying me to the strip clubs, bars and dives of this town. All Fucking Night."
That sailor was what many of would term a misfit. He didn't shine his shoes. he didn't shave properly. He didn't stand pretty at attention. What he did, and did well, was fight. He earned that Medal of Honor on a river boat in Vietnam. His river boat was hit by an RPG and sank. The entire crew, including him, was wounded. Some gravely. A rescue helio was shot down and crashed into the river near the foundered boat. This misfit did his job and more though and managed to rescue the copter's crew. He then managed to maintain suppressing fire from the boats machine guns and direct strikes enabling another helicopter to hover. He loaded the chopper crew, and his own crew into the sling and made sure they were safe. Lastly, he was extracted.
Misfit? Yup. He sure aint no garret trooper.

Miked Allen, calling us misfits aint an insult.

Happy Easter

Ever wonder why the Easter Bunny hides the eggs?
If you'd been fucking a chicken, you'd hide the evidence too.

The landlord game

After over thirty years of being a landlord, I've decided to hang it up and sell. Part of it is my health, I can no longer do the heavy lifting necessary to remodel apartments. handling sheetrock, building walls, replacing floors is stuff my body can no longer handle. Spinal surgery will do that to a kid.
I could hire people to do the work. The problem I have run into is dishonest workers. Creative swindlers who create more work, then charge out the ying yang to fix what they probably messed up.
The big thing though has been the quality of tenants. I remodeled an apartment, then rented it to two women. Pretty soon they had boy fiends. One slapped his lady around and got arrested. The other gal moved to get away from the drama and take her mega drama with her. Then the first gal took her abuser back, got abused again, fled, and left him in the place. In three months it was worse than when I decided to remodel the place. Doors smashed, floors ruined and holes punched in the walls. The repair bill had not been recouped, and I was having to start all over.
At that point I decided it was time to hang it up and stick with the work I could handle, contracting out to others.
I kept two places. They are not near the college. One is in a small town, and the other is rural. It is a duplex and just across from a development.
Well, I rented the basement apartment to a couple of fellows. One bedroom. One guy had the bedroom, the other slept n the living room. Then the one guy's brothers moved in, and vola, I had four people in a one bedroom. I should have booted em then and there. I didn't. My mega mistake.
Not long after, his mom and dad also moved in. Since I don't haunt the place, I wasn't aware they were living there, and frankly I couldn't fathom six adults in that tiny apartment. But wait, it gets better err worse. The boys had girl friends! So, what kind of woman would shack up in a place with a BUNCH of other crowded in folks? Low end of the scale. Welfare queens who got kicked off welfare for what ever reason. Never actually met any of the GF's, but heard about them through the grape vine. I'm tod that at one point, there were nine people living in the place. They were getting along pretty good with  the upstairs renter, so I wasn't getting complaints.
Now, the house is in the country. Not a farm, just the house and one building of what used to be a farm. Not the barn either, a small tractor shed. They asked if it would be all right to get some chickens. I said yes, a few would be tolerable. Chickens only! No roosters, no ducks, no other animals.
Bam Zing! they had chickens, roosters, ducks, turkeys, quail, pheasant. And Dogs! Did I mention dogs? I'd rented the place NO PETS because it had new carpet in it, and they had five dogs. I guess every redneck has to have his dogs. Mine is a Papillion.
By the time I realized all this was going on, the damage was done. I should have booted them on the spot, but I tried to be Mr. Nice Guy.
Well, the guy who was not a family member packed up and moved. Kinda funny in a way, looking back, since he was the one who had a vehicle that ran. Even after he left, they would be around in his car. Then the brother who was the original leaser moved out. He had a job, he paid the bills, but he got sick and tired of having to support his brothers and their poor choices of sex objects, and their rug rats. Things went south in a hurry. I got no rent in December. I have never booted some one in December. Tried, Court wouldn't do it, delayed the trial. January they gave my son a little, about half a month's rent and told him they'd have more the following Friday... Then avoided him like the plague.
I gave them their eviction notice on 1 Feb. Handed it to mom who told me she'd just gotten a new job and would have money on Friday. I said" make sure and call me. Phone never rang. Go figger. My lawyer is hard to get ahold of. She isn't always in the office, and if she is in court, which is a LOT, she has to turn it off, so they got a few extra days from that. Once I got the paper work to her, it was the express lane, and the trial was in eleven days. They never showed up. No surprise.
When the Sheriff showed up for the final eviction, they claimed they'd never received any notice. He was Mr nice guy though and gave them a couple extra days. We did the final removal last Sunday. Their first words, "we need a couple extra days." Not. Happening.
He told them it was time to go, and to strap every thing they had out onto their trailer and get off the property. An hour later, they had not put one rope on. At that point he told them they had five minutes, or he was arresting them for trespass, and I would keep their truck, trailer, and every thing they had on it. Oops! One of the deadbeat boys grabbed his cage of quail and sprinted across the road where he sat until a friend showed up, loaded the cage, and they left. They did get off the property in the five minutes though.
When they left, all the chickens were still in their coop. If you want to call it that. Well, almost all, several were roaming the yard having either managed to escape, or been let out for some reason. There were more than fifty birds there. That coop was a clap trap arrangement. It was pallets stood on edge, and intermingled. The whole affair was less than six feet across, and about sixteen feet long, then cased with rejected scraps of norboard. Part of it was an old tarp. No windows, no floor, a sheet of tin for a door. Only half was readily accessible, the roost, what served for one, was two pallets standing in the middle and that blocked access to the far side unless you crawled in the straw and muck in the bottom.
The occupants consisted of two turkeys. Huge Turkeys! Eleven ducks and a mix of various breeds of chickens. They had a ratio of roughly two hens per rooster. I counted twelve roosters in there. there were also two roosters running loose outside. They disappeared. Don't know if a dog got them, coyotes or coons. They may well have opted to find better digs. At any rate, on Monday morning they were no place to be seen.
Variety in a coop can be a nice thing, and they had plenty of variety. Several white leghorns, a Plymouth rock rooster, about five Americana roosters, one white bantee hen, six Polish Crested, five  Silkies, New Hampshire reds, and some that were clearly mixed breeds.
For a while they had the chickens in the old shed. Then they built several different coops. They made them from mostly discarded lumber, but also incorporated storm fencing, tarps and old tin.
Since they left them, and I don't really need more chickens, I guess I have a stack of fresh dinners. The roosters at least. I will probably sell the Polish and silkies.