Something to start your day off right

Cletus decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bubba. They loaded up Cletus's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Not to worry," Cletus said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared and they got on their way and enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Cletus got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bubba and asked: "Bubba, do you remember that good- looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north?"

"Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and fool around with her?"

"Yes," he said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bubba's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry buddy, I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"No need to apologize, Bubba. She just died and left me everything!"

Back in the Saddle

More or less. Took a swift trip to North Duhkota. If you crossed them with New Yorkers, it woud be insanity. Forgot to take the laptop along.

Male Sensitivity

Male Sensitivity

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.
The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial.
It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.
Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path." "Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together, it wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her.
In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
After a few moments a man, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" said the instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?
This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught.

Something to start your day off right

Husband and wife agreed that anytime they wants to have sex they'll call it a "phone call". One day they had a fight n the wife stopped talking to the husband and they were talking to each other through their kids. the husband to his son:Tell mommy daddy wants to make a phone call Wife replies:Tell daddy the network is down today. Dad replies:Tell your mom that if there's no network at home,I'll go to a public phone. Wife to her son:Tell your dad if he dare go to a public phone,I'll open a call center at home.

Saturday low information voter joke

A liberal college professor pushed her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

Then she put a coexist bumper sticker on her trunk lid.

Saturday Blonde Joke

 A judge was interviewing a blonde regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is 'yes'."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."

The real story here

I wa swalking down the street today and saw four guys beating up my wifes brother. When I told her about it, she got real concerned and asked me what I did. I told her, don't worry between the 5 of us we kicked his ass real good.
Well, back to the hospital....