A little morning humor

.... I still blame my dad

for my bad sex life. When he was telling me about the birds and the bees, all he said was the man goes on top and the woman on the bottom. The first three years of our marriage my wife and I slept in bunk beds.
 

.... I once went out with

a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.

 

.... Last evening I asked

my wife if she wanted to change positions. She said OK, you stand over the sink and I'll lie on the sofa with a beer and watch TV.

.... Once I made love to

a virgin. I used a Star Trek condom. I wanted to boldly go where no man had gone before.

 

.... I once made love

to my wife for an hour and five minutes.Okay, so it was on the spring evening we set the clocks ahead.

Ever see the large fuel transport trucks

driving down the street with the sign on the rear: "This vehicle stops at all Railroad Road Crossings"
Saw one the other day:
"This vehicle stops at all R R Crossings, Blonds, Brunettes, and - - - Will back up a mile for a Red Head"
 

I started a petition to ban people

from collecting autographs.

So far I've got 52,148 signatures.