Just a few

Why did the Afghan boy run away from home? Because his father wouldn't get off his back. Why did the Afghan boy return home after running away? He could't leave his brother's behind.

Women always say that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. Here is proof that they are wrong. A year or so after giving birth a woman will often say "it’d be nice to have another baby". You never ever hear a guy say, "I wouldn’t mind another kick in the nuts". Case closed.

Whats better than playing with your kids? Playing with the box they came in.

I walked into the pub toilet earlier, spotted a bloke at the urinals, and made my way to the cubicle. Bloke laughed and said, "Embarrassed about your penis, hey, lad?" A bit embarrassed, I said; "Of course not!" And made my way over to the urinal next to him. What a hypocrite, he sure seemed embarrassed watching me take a shit.

A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young mothers and their children. "You all have obsessions".
To the 1st mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've named your daughter Candy."
He looks to the 2nd mother, "Your obsession is with money. You've named your daughter Penny."
He looks to the 3rd mother. "Your obsession is alcohol. Your child's name is Brandy."
At this point, the 4th mother gets up takes her little boy by the hand and says "Come on, Richard, we're leaving"

What is the difference between a Bitch and a Slut? A Slut fucks everyone & a Bitch fucks everyone but you.

Little boy w/ diarrhea tells mom he needs Viagra. Mom: Why do you need that?" Boy: Isn't that what you give Dad when his shit wont get hard?

The lesbians next door asked me what I would like for my birthday. I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex. It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, “I wanna watch.”