A little Christian Humor

This is one of the best clean jokes I've seen in awhile!

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on
the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was
tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough.. I am going to set
up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will
judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports..

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed
across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power
went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in
the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their
computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

"It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went
out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the
past two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate..

"Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his
work and I don't have any?"

God just shrugged and said,

JESUS SAVES

I hope Israel learned a lesson.

From now on just sink the fuckers. The palistidiots in Gaza and the West Bank are scum. They are so bad that even Syria won't take them, Iran won't take them, and Somalia won't take them. Seems all the muslime world wants to do is complain about these parasites, and inspire fools from piss organizations to help them.
Barry the closet scum bag has his undies in a knot. Good thing he doesn't wear his diaper wrapped around his noggin like the arabs do, it might pinch so hard he won't be able to read TOTUS.

Compare and contrast

Xu Yuyuan attacked twenty nine children with a knife. The government of China saw fit to execute him even though no children died. In the USA, Farley Allen Rhodes poured lighter fluid on Starlena Pratt, and set her afire killing her. He gets life. Xu, though depraved killed no one. Farley killed a woman in a most horiffic way.
I am not defending Xu, he needed to die. Maybe we can stat a prisoner exchange with China, and let them practice on Farley and the thousands like him we spend millions keeping alive, healthy, and safe.
I want to see all criminals get a fair trial. The thought of an innocent man being executed is not a pleasant one. It will happen. On the day it does, we need to find out why it happened. No cop, judge, or liar err lawyer should be immune if they intentionally convict a person who is not guilty.
That said, I want to see scum removed from society by the most effective means we have. A rope, a blade, a bullet, it does not matter, execute these scum. Do it swiftly, before it is old news, before every one butthe mothers have forgotten the victims name. Criminals should pay, some should pay with their lives.

What the rest of the damn thing looks like

A picture has recently surfaced in response to Barry the Indonesians call to plug the damn hole!

I have a pic of what it looks like without an asshole wrapped arround it.

What did you expect? Modeled on Bill Ayers' dick I would imagine.

Another hero passes

John Finn, a MOH recpient from WW2 has passed away aged 100 years. Blessed with a long life, John was also a blessing to this country. At Kaneohe Air AStation, John manned a gun position despite head wounds and other injuries. He later helped to rearm returning air craft despite his injuries. Following recovery from his wounds, he continued to serve until 1956. After his retirement he worked to inspire another generation, or three of young sailors working with several Navy Organizations.
That children is what makes a man a hero. dedication to freedom and his fellow man. That GOD richly blessed this man with long life speaks well of him also. Good Bye Lt Finn, may the GOD of heaven welcome you into paradise.

120,650,907

Total miles racked up by Atlantis in its 32 missions over 25 years. This one shuttle has spent 294 days in space, and orbited earth 4648 times, and now she is grounded. I'm a little torn. Part of me does not like to see tax dollars tossed at the space program, but another part of me demands to know why a replacement has not been developed. Private companies and Russia wil now bear the burdon of space flight as the shuttles cokmplete their remaining missions. It is the end of an era.
Space flight has brought a lot to man kind. It has fueled development in many areas. Cordless tools were sparked by the demands of space, food packaging and dehydrated foods also came about thanks to space flight. It has been the necessity which sparked a lot of invention.
But what else will come of it? Apollo flights confirmed that the moon was not made of cheese, and was unfit for habitation, something a good kids telescope could also do.
There is talk of colonizing mars, but how will that benefit earth? The cost to transport food, or products there and back will be prohibitive. Maybe we could stick the liberals there so they can escape glowbull whoring. What about a penal colony? That would be humane, and would get them off earth forever.
I guess the next step will come from American entrepeneurs, that is provided the gov does not screw it all to hell.
Thanks to all the astronauts who have taken the flight. I'm proud, even if some times I see it as a waste of money.

Home depot help

My wife has a notorious brown thumb. I went to Home Depot and asked i they had any suggestions for stuff that would be impossible for her to kill, they recommended Kudsu, and dandylions.

I'm a little confused.

AP announced a GOP congressional win, but where the hell is it?The article says Hawai'i, but it also says the seat represents Barack Obama's birth place. This guy represents KENYA? Actually, its kind of funny, there were two dems in the race, they together got 58% of the vote, but their bickering handed the seat to a republican with solid national credentials.
It will be a shame if Hawai'i tosses this guy in November, but that is the likely case. He is a member of the Army Reserve, the son of imigrant parents from China and Thailand, Ivy league educated with a law degree. Well, we can't win em all, but every one has flaws.
A redneck congratulations to Charles Djou. Make Hawai'i, and our nation proud, don't act like a democrat.

Arizona/ICE cracking down!

Even latino cartoons from Mexico are being stopped for no papers. And all this time I thought it was to stop crime. Maybe she was on her way to find Barry's papers from Haavard. Why else would the gov give a shirt?

Update immage, what Dora was really about.

let me get this straight

Kim yuck Fu says that if the South Koreans or anybody else retaliate for his act of war, that it will be an act of war?
Maybe we just need to go back to diplomacy by assassination and give him a little ventilation to cool his hot head. Ideally, since he has aligned with Iran and Syria, the South should align with Israel and let Mossad get in a little training. Maybe PyongYang can be obliterated, or specifically every government building, official, and their host of help, leaving the bewildered residents with out any leadership.
The US is hinting at military manuvers as retaliation. Won't work unless those manuvers involve a 300 mile march north, and when they meet the Chinese Army some where near the Yellow River, give them the ceremonial keys to the city. We don't need to fight the chinese, both nations would benefit from Yuck Fu getting tossed off a cliff. We can do the messy work and let them handle the rebuilding.

We Shall See!

If you believe everything the networks tell you, conservatives won in Pennsylvania. Claims are that Mark Critz is more conservative then his opponent, he certainly ran to the right (don't they all?) Voters in Pa need to pay close attention in the coming months. If Critz joins with Nancy P Lousy and the house dems, it means you were lied to. If he does not, kindly dispatch EMS to my house, I'll be needing CPR and oxygen.

nine indited for accessing Obies student loan records.

This is the first I have heard about it. The attack on Palins E-mail was big news instantly.
Consiering that the S.O.B. is a public figure, his records should be open. Bush opened his and told the press have at it. We were flooded with stories of them finding exactly nothing, but trying to make a big deal of it. Obviously Barry the worthless has stuff to hide. His birht certificate is off limits, his college transcripts, and on and on. Lets get a hint, he is no blank slate, he is evil well covered. Time for an uncovering.

Lets boycott Los Angeles

LA city council voted to impose a boy(are they stupid)ott of Arizona businesses because Arizona voted to enforce federal law. How dumb is that? So I propose that we boycott LA businesses and products.
BTW, what besides crappy movies and illegal drugs does LA have? I don't go to theaters any more any way.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Rocks

I'm no NBA fan, never watch, could not care less. For the most part, they are spoiled brats. I have not liked the NBA since they began a regular habit of recruiting out of high schools.
In remarks at Boys Town in Nebraska, Kareem stated that the NBA needs to raise its standards, and I agree. Children turning pro are targets for agents who get rich on the kids work. After teh kids burn out or wear out, they have nothing. and no skills that do not involve a rubber round sphere.
Kareem has shown his multiple talents, from his acting in Airplane to his writing, he has contributed a lot to society and entertainment.
"It’s really neat for me to come out here and see it in reality and seeing they’re doing such fine work. That is so necessary. People have to care about our youth. They are our most precious resources. If we don’t care, what’s going to happen.” He is making an impact today. Good for him, and great for the kids.

What really happened here?

Let me start by saying that I oppose the death penalty for Nathanael Sloop. Instead, lets take and beat his face with a hammer, then douse him with lighter fluid and set him ablaze, then return him to his cell with no medical care allowed. After ten days, repeat. In the event of any infection, douse the infected area with lighter fluid, and set ablaze.
But what happened and why? I want to know how a mother could allow such abuse. That she did not have custody, in our present system is very telling. A mom who does not have primary custody is a serious piece in most cases. I do not agree with the present system where the one who wears a dress to court gets custody, let me be clear on that. For a woman to not have custody means that either she was a danger to the kid, or just didn't give a damn. That she stood by and allowed the abuse of her child by this prick is a high crime. I want to know if she was so under his influence or what?
I also have questions about the dad in this case. Ethan did not want to go to moms, and the reason why is important. If it was a case of dad poisoning the well by trashing her, then he is partly to blame in this as well. Four year old kids normally do not resent a parent like that. It is also possible that mom was a total piece of shit, and treated him so bad he had nothing but bad memories of her. If that is the case, the judge who sent him to mom is to blame as well.
We have a court and laws to cover this. I hope his murderer suffers greatly in prison, I want his mother to suffer as well. If dad or the judge have blood on their hands, GOD in heaven will see to them.
In any case, Ethan Stacy is dead because mommy married a monster.

A cure for sore throat?

Don't remember where I got this, it has been on my computer for several years though.

Our reps don't seem to be getting the message.

As tea party activities spring up through out the nation, Kansas politicians in a blatant case of blind deaf and dumb as a rock voted a 1cent increase in the sales tax. That is a 19% jump in sales tax. Remember in November!

I should be ashamed

Shamelessly stollen from the criplets.

Hey beaners! When you start celebrating the 4th of July in your shithole of a country. Then I MIGHT think about you celebrating Stinko De Miracle Whip here. But until then if the American flag offends you, than this should really set you off.

What did Davy Crocket say when he saw all the mexicans running towards the alamo?
I didn't know we were pouring concrete picking melons today
-----
What is the difference between a Mexican and an elevator?
One can raise a child.
-----
What do you call a Mexican with a new car?
A felon
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Why are there no Mexicans in Star Trek?
They don't work in the future either! Who says the future doesn't look brighter?
-----
Did you hear about the two car pile-up in the Walmart parking lot?
50 Mexicans died
-----
Why do mexican kids walk around school like they own the place?
Because their dads built it and their moms clean it.
-----
What's a mexican's favorite sport?
cross country
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Why cant mexicans play uno?
Because they always steal the green card
-----
2 mexicans are in a car, who is driving?
A cop
-----
Why can't mexicans be firemen?
They can't tell the difference between jose and hose b
-----
Why were there only 5,000 mexican soldiers at the battle of Alamo?
They only had 2 Chevys.
-----
What do you call a group of stoned mexicans?
Baked beans
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When a Mexican runs into a wall whats the first thing that hits?
His Lawn Mower
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How do you stop a Mexican tank?
Shoot the guy pushing it.
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What is the difference between a Mexican and a bucket of crap...?
the bucket
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What do you call a mexican baptism?
Bean dip
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What do you call a mexican that can't do any thing?
A mexican't
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What is the difference between a pizza and a mexican?
A pizza can feed a family of four
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What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a black person?
Somebody too lazy to steal.
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What do you call a mexican that is barefoot and stepped in poop with his toe?
A PUTO
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If there was a maze with with a million dollars in the center who do you think would win: the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a smart mexican, or dumb mexican?
The dumb mexican, the rest don't exist.
-----
Why don't mexicans cross the border in 3's?
Because it says no trespassing
-----
What do you call a midget mexican?
Paragraph because he is to short to be an essay

Plus a couple extra:

Whats the diffrence between a tea cup and a pee cup?
A tea cup is full of tea, a pee cup is full of Mexicans.
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Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team?
All the ones who can run jump or swim already left.
-----
I saw a sign that said "Need help, Ask Jesus" so I called the number.
Fifteen minutes later, a Mexican with a mower was at my door.


KerrCarto, I aint ashamed either.

Tea Party ousts collaborator

Bob Bennett has the boot. delegates to the Utah convention gave him his papers in round two.
This is the pattern we need to see all across the nation, incumbents need to be rejected unless there is a strong reason to retain them. A reason such as hte challenger is a useless weasel.
Thanks Utah!

AP at its level best.

From the article;
Based on the interviews with rig workers, none of those safeguards worked.

___

Associated Press writers Cain Burdeau, Vicki Smith and Ray Henry in Louisiana, Jeff Donn in Boston, Michael Graczyk in Houston and Noaki Schwartz in Los Angeles contributed to this report.

Apparently these AP writers aint smart enough to figger it out that the safeguards didn't work.

Denny, some how you got the joke wrong

Approximately 80,000 Democrats meet in the Washington D.C. as Barry Soetoro prepared to introduce his pick to head the IRS.

The Won says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that democrats are not stupid. Would Mr. Geither please come forward?"

Tim gingerly makes his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The Won asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds Tim says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then all of the 80,000 democrats start cheering, "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"

The Kenyan next says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give uh, him another chance ." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?".

After nearly 30 seconds Geither eventually says, "Ninety?"

Barry the ball less is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh

-- everyone is disheartened, Tim starts crying and the 80,000 democrats begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The illegal imigrant leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?".

The Geither closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 democrats jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... " GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

I know, Denny, you're gonna say thats how it was in hte e-mail yo ugot, but you needed a blonde joke, not a democrap joke. Sigh.

Russia frees pirates?

Rumors are that the Ruskies set them adrift in a damaged boat without weapons food water or navigational aids. I sincerely hope that is true, or at minimm, give them a boat with defective oil for the motor.
If the Russians let these guys off scott free, it is the last hope lost for a workable solution in that region.
I like ho in hte article, it says aleged pirates. Ha! AP at its level best, supporting criminals and anti American types the world over.

Some things are worth being proud of

There's a feeling comes a-stealing,
And it sets my brain a-reeling,
When I'm listening to the music of a military band.
Any tune like "Yankee Doodle"
Simply sets me off my noodle,
It's that patriotic something that no one can understand.
"Way down south, in the land of cotton,"
Melody untiring,
Ain't that inspiring?
Hurrah! Hurrah! We'll join the jubilee!
And that's going some, for the Yankees, by gum!
Red, white and blue, I am for you!
Honest, you're a grand old flag!

I'm no cranky hanky panky,
I'm a dead square, honest Yankee,
And I'm mighty proud of that old flag
That flies for Uncle Sam.
Though I don't believe in raving
Ev'ry time I see it waving,
There's a chill runs up my back that makes me glad I'm what I am.
Here's a land with a million soldiers,
That's if we should need 'em,
We'll fight for freedom!
Hurrah! Hurrah! For every Yankee tar
And old G.A.R.
Ev'ry stripe, ev'ry star.
Red, white and blue,
Hats off to you
Honest, you're a grand old flag!

Chorus

You're a grand old flag,
You're a high flying flag
And forever in peace may you wave.
You're the emblem of
The land I love.
The home of the free and the brave.
Ev'ry heart beats true
'neath the Red, White and Blue,
Where there's never a boast or brag.
But should auld acquaintance be forgot,
Keep your eye on the grand old flag.

From George Washington Jr. by George M Cohan

May the vice principal at Live Oak High In Morgan Hill be forever shamed by his failure to show pride in our flag.
Jesus said to his followers that who ever admitted him on earth, he would admit in heaven, and whom ever denied him on earth he would also deny in heaven. So also it should be with our flag, the symbol of this great nation.

Warning, redneck Joke

Did you hear about the redneck who dated a girl that stuttered?
By the time she explained that she wasn't that kind of girl, she was.

Soviet Forces free ship

Alleged pirates in custody. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackass claiming this is racial profiling, and it is yet another case of BWB, boating while black.
In all honesty, I am glad the Russians took positive action. On hte down side, none of the pirates were killed. On the positive side, they will be tried in a Soviet Court, and hopefully get a bullet in the back of the head while they are penning their appeal.
Personally, I think the soviets should air drop them back on Mogadishu. Fasten a 50 kg weight to their necks, and a streamer to their feet so they fall face first. For extra points, sew them into the carcass of a pig.

Survived the vacation

We had our annual sibling turkey hunt this past weekend in the Black Hills. Not much to report, as usual, we missed the good weekends and planned this again for the weekend with bad weather. I arrived in Hot Springs to snow. No accumulation, but the accompanying wind kept the birds in the trees.
Last year I arrived to very nice weather, got the gear out, loaded up and went to calling. fifteen minutes in, I had a nice gobbler strutting about 120 yards out when a cold front passed through, and the birds all went back up into the trees. After six consecutive hunts like this, I was so sure how it would go I did not bother to get a tag, and left my shotgun at home.
I snapped a couple of interesting pics on the way back.


These were taken somewhere east of Alliance Nebraska along Neb 2. My tag line is that this is Nebraska Air and their two flights daily between Omaha and Alliance. There were actually three aircraft on cars, but I only got two pics.