April is for fools

When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells: "THEIRS."

Isn't it appropriate that the month when the taxes are due begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of "May Day!"?

Some redneck Humor

Shortly after her 11th birthday,  Daisy Mae gets her first period.

Embarrassed about talking to her parents on what's bothering her, she decides to ask her little brother Bubba.

She whips up her skirt, pushes down her underwear and asks 'what's wrong with me?'

Bubba stands there looking at her bleeding fanny, scratches his chin for a moment and finally says 'I'm no expert sis, but it looks like someone's ripped your balls off!'

What will you do?

In just a few hours we will celebrate the resurection of Jesus. We are at a crossroads in America. We can choose as a nation to follow Jesus who bore the cross for us, or we can choose to turn our backs on him and bear a cross we cannot carry.
Just like Jesus on the via Delorosa, the cross can weigh us down. It is our cross, it was his cross, yet Joseph of Aramathea was selected to bear that cross for Jesus, and he can carry ours today.
For two hundred thirty six, almost seven years GOD has blessed this nation. We have become what we are because of his blessings, and not through any action of ours except the taking of the knee and the humbling of the heart to him as our master. Other nations have people just as smart, just as creative, just as talented, yet we have led for over a century in the fields of science, engineering, medicine, sports, you name it. Now GOD has been banned from our schools, banished from the halls of government, and blasphemed in our institutions of higher learning. If you were a father, and had children who mocked you like that, would you leave them anything in your will? We as individuals each must make a choice. We can follow Jesus, or we can follow man. We cannot do both. I wish each of you a joyous and blessed Resurection Sunday. May the GOD of Abraham bless you as you ask him in the name of Jesus the Messiah. He is risen indeed.

Saturday low information voter joke

A liberal spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND".
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up

Saturday blonde joke

This blonde guy goes on a skiing trip to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain.

After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal on the wall with antlers, so he says to the barman, "what the f@$% is that?"

The barman says, "it's a moose."

The blonde chap says, "fuck me! How big are the cats?"

Something to start your day out right

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.
The first passenger said, "I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first parachute and left the plane.
The second passenger, Julia Gillard, said, "I am the prime Minister of Australia and I am the smartest woman in Australian history, so Australia's people don't want me to die." She took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The third passenger, John Kerry, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from the Army of the United States of America ." So he grabbed the parachute next to him and jumped.
The fourth passenger, ex-President George W. Bush, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my country the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
The little girl said, "That's okay, Mr. President. There's a parachute left for you. The Vietnam traitor took my schoolbag.

Alternate ending:

The little girl said, "That's okay, Mr. President. There's a parachute left for you. Teh chosen won chose the wrong one and took my schoolbag.

Something to start your day off right

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.”
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, “What’s the matter with you?!” The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says “Hey, MONKEY!” The Monkey looks down and says “WOA, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?”

Kansas ranked 8th

In the nation by Guns & Ammo. They beat even Texas! Only Alabama, Whyoming, Kaintucky, Utah,  Alaska, Verment, and Arizona are better when it comes to gun owners rights. Wait, Verminont? This doesn't square, a state that would send a communist like Sanders to Washington is progun?

Yikes!

Overheard

A fellow today talking about the case before the supreme court. He said, "I never gave any thought to same sex marraige, because once you are married, its the same old sex."

Some redneck humor

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the Redneck leaned over and confided to the bartender, I'm so pissed off !

Oh yeah? What happened? asked the bartender politely.

See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails!

Gee, that's tough! commiserated the bartender.

Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated, the redneck went on.

When her husband came into the room he said; Hey great! You're naked already! Let me just take a leak.

And damned if the lazy son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?

Yeech! the bartender shook his head. No wonder you're in a lousy mood.

Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window. And where does it land? My damned forehead!

Damn, that really is a drag! says the bartender.

Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!

The bartender paled. That would sure mess up my day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the redneck rattled on, but do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When the sun came up, I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!!

Understanding dating

WHITE WOMEN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.

JEWISH WOMEN:
First Date: You get terrific head.
Second Date: You get even more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.

CHINESE WOMEN:
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized nothing is ever going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN:
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN:
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's Boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.

ARAB WOMEN:
First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire arab community finds out.
Second Date: You are shot dead.
No third date.

BWAHAHAHAHA

Guess who isn't getting his gun. Mark Kelly, two faced SOB and husband of former congress critter Giffords has been denied the sale by the store owner. We on the right support gun rights and say the smart thing to do is keep firearms out of the hands of liberals err mentally unstable people.I would like to see more of these a gun for me but none for thee type get shown the door. And not just at the gun stores.

Some redneck humor

The Redneck about to get married   was a bit worried that his intended might not be a virgin. He sought the advice of his doctor who said that he should equip himself with a can of blue paint, a can of red paint and a shovel in order to seek the answer.

"Now what in hell will that do?" says Bubba.

"Well," the doc says, "you paint one testicle blue, and the other red just before you climb into bed on your wedding night.
If she says, 'That's the strangest looking pair of balls I ever did see' you whack her on the head with the shovel"

Kinda expected

That with a name like this

It would smell something like a Kansas feed lot.

redneck math

A teacher asked little Bubba if he knows his 1 to 10 numbers well

"Yes! Of course! My pop taught me...even more than 10"

"Good. What comes after three?”

"Four," answers Bubba.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. So what comes after ten?"

"A jack"

Go figure

I'm sure by now you have heard about the outrage over a  Floriduh Atlantic University instructor who told his students to write Jesus on a piece of paper, set it on the floor, and stomp on it. Well, it looks like FAU is saying FU to all of us and circling the wagons. Ryan Rotela is being harrassed for his beliefs. They have suspended him and stacked false charges against him. Nothing unexpected here.
But what of Deandre Poole? Turns out that worthless piece of shit is vice chair of the Palm beach County Demoncraps. Well color me shocked, a democrat would act like this? Another Obamunist who needs his ass kicked to hell and back, just not back.

What Lies

SeeBS has issued a faux apology for their insult to our Vietnam Vets. They said;
“We want to apologize to veterans – particularly those who served in Vietnam – as well as to their families and any viewers who were offended by the broadcast,” said host Phil Keoghan in a statement at the beginning of Sunday’s night’s episode. “All of us here have the most profound respect for the men and women who fight for our country.”
They have no respect ofr our vets. If they had even the least bit of respect, they would own up about all the lies they cast during the Vietnam war. They would tell the truth about their agenda. They would also tell the truth about our current wars, and demand the president come clean about Libya. Every news broadcast would begin, "This is day 195 since the Benghazi coverup bagan, and still no truth from the White House. ObamAA- continues to mislead the American people, and obstruct Congress and justice."
Until then, I will continue to ignore their lame network.

ObamAA-s people

Something to brighten your Monday

Jane lost her husband almost  four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage. Her daughter constantly urges her to get back into the dating world.
Finally, Jane says she'll go out, but doesn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it's an immediate hit. They really like one another and after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend in the mountains.

Their first night there, she undresses as does he. There she stands nude except for a pair of black lacy panties, while he is in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?" She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."
The following night the same scenario. She's standing there with the black panties on and he is in his birthday suit... except that he has a black condom over his erection. She looks at him and asks, "What's with the black condom?" He replies, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."

Why ObamAA- fans don't get real jobs

Problems in the military

Early one morning, late last night two dead soldiers began to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. A legless donkey passing by kicked both men right in the eye, knocked them off a ten foot wall into a ditch and drowned them all. A deaf policeman heard their cries, he came and shot the two dead guys. If you don't believe this story is true, ask the blind man he saw it, too.

OK, Time to pick on sailors

An old retired sailor  puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake.

He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room.

He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?'

The prostitute replies, 'Well, old sailor, you're doing about three knots.'

'Three knots?' he asks. 'What's that supposed to mean?'

She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your fucking money back'.

Manhattan gun show

Attended the Manhattan gun and knife show today. Picked up a few items, but not much.
Some one this week said that with the end of difi's AWB that gun prices were dropping. Didn't see it at the show, ammo prices are still through hte roof if you can find it.
There were a few quality AR-15s. BTW AR stands fo Asshole Remover in case you did not know that.
If yo uare still working on your kit, remember the important stuff like water purification and storage. If you aren't, get crackin.

Oh Well

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "The K-State basketball coach?"

Smart kid

As I understand this, the baby was only moments old, and had just been informed of all the debt Obunglers has added for his generation.

Old and wise vs young

There once was a 70 year old man who met a recent winner of a beauty contest.
He brought her to a jewelry store, and told the clerk that it was love at first sight, and would like to purchase the best diamond ring for his new twenty year old fiance.
The clerk showed him a ten thousand dollar ring. The clerk stated the ring would hold it's value for a life time.
The old man said that ring was not good enough for his future bride. He wanted the very best.
The clerk grinned and showed the man a $100,0000 ring. The best he had. He had only sold three like, it in his life time. All to Donald Trump.
The old man asked his bride if she liked it. She nodded emphatically.
The old man stated that he wanted the ring sized, and he would write a check. He told the jeweler to cash the check that Friday and on the following Monday he would pick up the ring once it was sized.
The weekend passed and on Monday morning the jeweler waited for the man, but he failed to show up.
The jeweler went out to get lunch and while out, he saw the old man returning his expensive suit, to a fancy clothing store.
The jeweler approached the man, and said angrily, I got a bone to pick with you.
I tried to cash that check, and it bounced.
You don't even have ten cents in that checking account.
The old man said with a sly grin, that all may be true.
BUT LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY WEEKEND!

For FLOTUS

That took guts

Lets say you still fly. Lets say your flight gets delayed. It seems to happen a lot even though the government has made efforts to cut delays, but things break, weather conditions change, or some other unforseen thing, and you are stuck on a plane sitting on the tarmac for longer then the flight would have taken, lets not mention you could have driven it in that amount of time.
You look out your window and see a Pixxa Hut truck coming. Would you believe it? Thats what happened. Some one at delta had the cujohns to call for Pizza! I just hope the tip was wotrth  the anal probing the TSA would have done to that poor driver.

Why the Surpeme Court is wrong

The Supreme injustices of the court have screwed up many a time. We could go back to some of their first rulings and find fault. Some times they get it right, but when they get it wrong, they are stubborn and bone headed and will not admit it. Such is the case with executions of persons who commit vile acts before they turn 18. For some strange reason the band of fools has decided that kids should be spared the correct penalty for their heinous crimes because of age.
I'm not in favor of age descrimination, especially when something like this happens. These two killers are 17 and 14. likely they are brothers, but that is immaterial. They shot a woman simply because she had no money, then executed her baby.
I pray that there will be justice in prison for these two. That some one in the penetentary will have enough morals to shank these assholes.
The penalty for something like this should be not less then death by hanging. If you are old enough to contemplate this, and carry it out, you are old enough to be executed.
Turn coat Kennedy and his cohorts, Stevens, Souter, Ginsburg and Breyer are all accessories in this heinous crime. They should be in prison after this.

Saturday low information voter joke.

Had to add this one today. Just too good to pass up.

One afternoon the daughter of an ObamAA- supporter came home from school and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from. Amused, her mother replied: "Really, sweetie, why don't you tell me all about it?"

The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the woman and man take off all of their clothes, and the man's thingee sort of stands up, and then the woman puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's how you get babies."

Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her, eye to eye and said, "Oh, Darling, that's sweet, but that's not how you get babies. That's how you get welfare benefits."

Saturday blonde joke

A blonde midget from Texas was experiencing constant pain in his crotch area. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.

The blonde midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. "Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again.

"Aha!" said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side... then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.

The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.

The doctor said, "How does that feel now?" The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"

The doctor replied "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."

Some days....

Angel the early years

Please tell me this isn't really you.

Obama rated 5th Best U S President

Of the total of 44 US Presidents: Obama rated 5th best president ever. I was just reading a Democratic publicity release that said,
"...after a little more than 4 years, Obama has been rated the 5th best president ever."


The details according to White House Publicists:

* Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, and 7 others tied for first,

* 15 presidents tied for second,

* 17 other presidents tied for third,

* Jimmy Carter came in 4th, and

* Obama came in fifth

A little Friday humor

A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he is liable to break something, but the boy continues. 'JOHNNY!' mom screams, 'KNOCK IT OFF before you break something. He stops & eventually mom leaves for a short trip to the store. Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left the house. He gives it one last flick & it lands in the toilet... where he leaves it.

Mom comes home & while she is putting away the grocery, she gets the urge...diarrhea run.She barely makes it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.

When she finishes, she looks down and can't believe what she sees.She is not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet....she calls her doctor.

The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, he assures her he will be right over. When he arrives, she shows him to the bathroom. He gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing.

Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be & POP!

The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere...on him, the walls, etc"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.

He states....."I have been in this business for over 30 years and this is the first time I have ever actually SEEN a fart!!!!"

What was he thinking of?

Rick Newman wrote a piece on the ten most over paid jobs in America. he doesn't know what he's talking about. Some of his choices were consulting software designer, brand strategist, interaction designer, and marketing research director. Nowhere, NO WHERE does he mention House Minority Leader, Senator, Congressman, Vice President of the United States, President of the United States, Press Secretary, Or Attorney General.
Rick, lets keep it honest. Sure, you mentioned Patent Attorney. Frankly, any liar err lawyer would do. The rest are folks who make what the market allows.

I'm not suprised

If you watch SeeBs at all, you are an idiot. They have been one of the most anti America networks, topping even Communist News Nutwork with thier BS. I see today they outdid themselves in their attempts to outrage us. To me, the Amazing thing about the amazing race is that anyone watches it. Lets never forget that this is the network that gave us Walter Cronkite, the man who spun lies about Vietnam and declared American victories as losses to promote the communist agenda. This is the network of Dan Blather and the fake memos, the same dan who was a cub reporter for Cronk in Vietnam feeding us lies and bullshit. This is the network of Hawaii5-0, the original was Jack Lords attempt to vilify weapons and he proudly proclaimed that he would stop at nothing to get guns outlawed in America. Can some one name anything good that shows on SeeBS?
Next time you flip channels and land there, take a good look close up at their logo. You can see hair roots.

The cure for David Fabrizio

lets eliminate teacher tenure. Its been on my list of things to do for a very long time. Teachers should have to cut the mustard or get out. Some times a change of scenery is a good thing. A teacher gets into a rut and won't get out. Tenure allows them to wallow in it. Our kids deserve better, and between moving one teacher or three hundred families. well, the teacher can go. Maybe that would get rid of the ones who want to preach their idiot theories against the wishes of the parents.

Ban Boxing?

Once again a proposal to ban boxing is in the news. Boxers sustain a lot of head injuries. Some don't have much to start with, so a carreer in the ring is their only chance of success. John Hardy is just another one of those people who wants to eliminate chances of success for poor people. I say that because I don't often see rich kids becoming pugilists. With out boxing, we'd have never known the wit of gassious Cassius Clay, the draft dodging punk kid who became Mohammed Ali. I doubt we would have George Forman grills either.
The kids need to know the risks, but between being shot in a drive by. or getting beaten in the ring, some don't have much to choose from. Keep boxing, its more entertaining then a drive by, and less likely to hurt bystanders.

What is wrong with these people?

A low information voter in Massiveclueless has decided that Honors shall no longer be awarded for students who excel. David Fabrizio, principal of Ipswich Middle School does not want to hurt the feeeeelings of students who tried but couldn't cut the mustard.
Well lets throw a pitty party then. I'll admit, I was no honors student. Its not that I was dumb as a rock, its that I didn't give a shit. My grades on the achievements tests were usually top of the class, but I was never one to study. One year when we got the results back, they were handed out in envelopes, I glanced at mine, then stuck it in a book. The girl who would be our validictorian walked in, marched over to my desk, announced how great hers were to the class, then snatched my envelope, opened it and read my report. her marks were good, 95th percentile or there abouts. Mine were mostly 99th percentile. I didn't care other then the joy of seeing her face skew up in anger.
The awards, the mark of distinction is what prompts some students to work hard. Sure, some o them missed the mark, but it was the carrot of that award that made them try for it. depriving them of motivation is asking then to fail.
Frankly, every awards ceremony needs a rock award. The kid who anchored the class by being as smart as a rock. We had it in OCS. it motivated people.

Confession is good for the soul

A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked. "What did you take?" his priest asked. "Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake." "This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?" "No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber."

Some aviation humor

A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude,
the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your
captain speaking. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles.
The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth flight. Now sit back
and relax. - OH MY GOD!"

... Silence ...

After several seconds, the captain came back on the intercom and said: "Ladies and
Gentlemen, I an so sorry if I scared you, but while I was talking the flight attendant
brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the very hot coffee in my lap. You should see
the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach said: "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

GOD designed us

I know a lot of people think we evolved. If there were a possibility, I would say we have degenerated. There  are just too many things about us that convince me there is GOD, and he knew exactly what he was doing when he designed our bodies.
Something as small as pubic hair. What purpose does it serve? Is it htere only to mark the transition from child to adult? A lot of people today choose to shave it, or in other ways eliminate it from their bodies. researchers in Nice France have found a possible link between shaving the pubic region and VD. They report that cases of Molluscum contagiosum spread through sex have been on the rise in certain parts of the world, and that shaving or waxing is a factor in its spread.
I'm not impressed by shaving. One of the down sides is the prevelance of camel toe as women berift of hair reveal more through their cloths then ever before. I know some guys see that as a plus. Pubic hair is this generations appendix, we haven't figured it all out yet.
Whether it was intended as adornment for our natural bodies, or for a deeper purpose, I don't know, and I'm not gonna research it tonight. Just keep in mind, there may be a link between shaving, and the spread of Molluscum contagiosum, so be careful. The surest way to be safe is to not play the field. Every redneck knows that fields are where the dirt is.

A little redneck humor

A redneck goes to the doctor with hearing problems.
The Doctor asks, "Can you describe the symptoms to me."
"Yes.......Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marg is a skinny bird with big blue hair !"

I'm thinking about going back to school

This looks like the ticket

Detroit Math Test

1. Dwayne has an AK47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?

2. If Jamal has two ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?

3. Tyrone is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?

4. Jarome wants to cut his 1/2 pound of Heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?

5. Latrell gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy and $100 for a 4x4. If he has stolen 2 BMW's and 3 4x4's, how many Chevy's will he have to steal to make $800?

6. Devonte is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money will he have left when he gets out of prison and how many years will he get for killing her since she spent his money?

7. If the average spray paint can covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans of paint?

8. Dayvon knocked up six girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?

Just want to brighten your Monday

What sucks more than Colorado?
Coloradans.

With a legislature like that, they deserve our scorn.

Just thinking

One more reason a man like Barry would marry a woman as ugly as Michelle. And why he is the way he is on perverted marriage.

Whats with the fist bump crap

I greeted an old friend I hadn't seen for some time at church today. When I extended my hand to shake his, he wanted to do the fist bump instead.
I asked him what was with THAT?
He said the fist bump is to cut down on the spread of germs.
I said "Oh right. lets ignore that the palms of our hands are covered in tough caloused flesh, and instead slap the softer and often cut and scabbed backs instead."
The back of my hands has several scabs, fresh from a day of playing in the dirt and fields. How dumb an idea can we get? If you are that skeered, keep your grubby mitts in your pockets, and jsut nod at folks.
You don't want to know my opinion of hand sanitizers.

Something to start your day off right

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped just inches from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look pal, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a Hearse for the last 25 years."

Thought my email got hacked

Several of you may have gotten strange E-mails from my accoount in recent days. They were not from me, and my account did not get hacked. Apparently an E-mail server got infected, and several of my accounts got ponied. I got blocked out of one of my accounts Wednesday, and when I got back in today it was overflowing with message delivery failures. I quick check of my sent box showed that nothing had gone out from my account though, and all the failure messages were from craigslist ads, and stuff that was not in my address book. When I checked them against the few craigslist replies I had saved, none matched the numbes, so apparently it was stuff that I deleted.
If yo ugot a weird message, I'm sorry. If, in the future, you get a weird message, don't open it. I have received them in the past, and I NEVER click on a link in a no subject mail until I contact the person who sent it, and verify that it is from them, and the subject.
Be safe. There is evil in the world, and not all of it is controled by George Soros, Bill Gates, or Google.

Never force your child to pray

The neighbors had come over for dinner at Little Redneck's place. As they sat down for dinner, father asked Little Littleredneck to do the prayers. Little Redneck replied, "But dad, im scared." His Dad told him to just be honest and say what he felt best. So as everyone joined hands, Little redneck began: " Dear Lord, thank you for bringing the kid who ate my cookies. Please bless him with food so that he doesn't take mine. Also forgive his elder brother who undressed my sister and started wrestling with her. Im sure he wont do that again. Speaking of clothes, I want you to bless all the naked women on my dads phone with clothes. Seriously, they need it. And lastly, I want you to provide shelter to the homeless man who sleeps with my mom when dad goes to work. Thank you." No one had dinner that day.

Range time in the living room

WHAT?
No, I'm serious. Today might be a good day in your neck of the woods, but if its not, or when its not, here is something you can do at home in your living room to hone your self defense skills.
When I was in the military, we carried our Remingtons in flap holsters. Getting them out was a trick, so we practiced it. Not once or twice, but many times a day. For those of you who are attempting to gauge my age, and baffled because the last Remington you know of was the 1858 New Model Army, Relax. Most of the 1911's I ever saw were made by Remington Rand and Co. I got out just before the introduction of the WOP. No, its not an ethnic slam because of the Italian design, it stands for Wound Only (or Often) Pistol. A slam to the stopping power of the 9mm vs the .45
Shooting some one with a pistol doesn't happen every day. Sure, you go to the range and splatter plenty of targets, but the truth is that when the shit hits the fan, and the adrenaline hits the body, every aspect of marksmanship will fail you. That's why practice is important. 20 in the x ring won't save you if you fumble and drop your pistol as you pull it from your coat.
Since I'm stealing this from Robert Farago, I'll let him give you all the details.
Yes, I said for a stormy Saturday, but truthfully, I hope you train every day. Your life may someday depend on it.
A friend of mine was a little guy when he was in Jr. high. He wasn't going to be a football player, so he chose karate for his physical training regimen. When he got to high school, the first day he entered the lunch hall, all the tables were packed except one off to the side which was entirely empty. Not realizing that it was for the football players who did a mid day work out, he took his meal tray and sat down. Just in to his meal, the football jocks entered the hall, and one of them marched over and grabbed my friend by the neck and picked him right out of his seat. Training kicked in, my friend broke the hold, then did a spinning jump kick that went about a foot over this lineman's head. My friend landed, and stood there thinking, "oh shit they never told me what to do if I missed, and the lineman stood there thinking I'm gonna loose teeth if I twitch.
Train my friends, train.

Saturday blonde joke

Last Sunday, as I was headed to church, I stopped by my blonde neighbors house. He was sitting in the kitchen applying boot polish to his penis.
I screamed at him, "you idiot, you're supposed to turn clock back."

Who would they be?

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench talking amongst themselves when a flasher came by. The flasher stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.

The first old lady had a stroke. Then the second old lady had a stroke. But the third old lady . . . she couldn't reach that far.

For all you cat lovers

A man hated his wife's cat and wanted get rid of it. He drove 40
blocks away from home and dropped the cat. The cat was already
walking up their driveway as he got back to their house.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 6 miles away but the same
thing happened.

He kept on increasing how far away he took the cat but the cat kept coming back. Finally, he decided to drive the cat 30 miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and left the cat there.

Hours later, the man called his wife at home and asked her, "Jen,
is the cat there?"

"Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife.

"Put that cat on the phone. I’m lost and I need directions!”

Something to start your day off right

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop. "I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!

Help a friend?

Halmark cards that didn't make the cut

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.

3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".

2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

Hey mooslimes

Sick

What kind of commander dismisses charges against a rapist? he military justice system is unique in that after a court martial finds some one guilty, the commander can still drop the charges. In that case, I think the commander becomes an accessory after the fact. He is aiding and abetting a criminal and thwarting justice. Time for this system to go down the toilet. Yes, I believe in appeals, but they should be based in fact, not arbitrary and caprecious.
Rape is becoming acceptable in our society. We are tollerating the intollerable in yet another evil way. The minimum sentence for a rapist should involve castration.
Oh, you want chemical castration? Some one mix up some tanerite. A pound or two should do.

How about some aviation humor?

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.
A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking
guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.
The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he''s afraid to
wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he
can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking
at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the plane hits
an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the
little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the
big guy's chest.

About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees
the vomit all over him.

"So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"

Introducing Peter the Roman

The first Pope from the Americans and the last? Well, if you accept the predictions, he is. I don't have a crystal ball. All I can do is look at the accuracy of the predictions and wonder.
When it comes to the Bible, I know it is correct. Jesus said there would be signs and wonders. If you don't accept it as the word of GOD, I'm not going to force you. I won't bother listening to your reasons why either. Believe what you want. I'll believe GOD.
From the teachings of scripture, I know that the end times are approaching. The day or year? Not so much. The generation that witnessed the return of Israel was fortold to be the ones to see the tribulation. They are growing old.
Hollywood like to play up Armaghedon. Its a place, not an event. When you realize that, Bruce Willis comes off kinda weird. They also like to mock and twist truth. Some people don't know what is really in the Bible because they have never read it.
While Arnold Wion attributes the list to St Malachy Archbishop of Armagh Ireland, his list has been fairly accurate. Not perfect though.
Some say Time will tell, but this stuff usually only makes the National Inquirer.
Anyway, welcome Francis the First. Pray for him and that GODs hand guides him in his work. Although I am not Catholic, I still respect the pope. Like every denomination of the Christian faith, the catholics have some stuff right, and a few things wrong. In the end, its whether we are right with GOD that matters, nothing else.

This is terrible

It seems that there were twin brothers  by the name of Jones, John and Joe. John was married and Joe was single. Joe was the proud owner of a dilapidated boat. It so happened that Joe's boat sank on the same day that John's wife died.

A few days later a kindly old lady met Joe on the street, and mistaking him for John said:" I was sorry to hear of your great loss, you must feel terrible."
Joe replied; " Well, I am not a bit sorry. She was a rotten old thing from the start. Her bottom was all chewed up, and she smelled of old fish. The first time I got into her she made water faster that anything I ever saw. She had a crack and a pretty big hole in front that kept getting bigger and bigger every time that I used her. It got so I could handle her all right, but when someone else was using her she leaked like anything. This is what finished her off: Four guys from the other side of town came down looking for a good time. They asked if I could rent her to them. I warned them that she wasn't so hot, but the crazy fools all tried to get into her at the same time. It was too much for her and she cracked right up the middle! "
THE OLD LADY FAINTED.

Its no big deal, Really

The media arm of the communist party loves to tell us that voter fraud is very rare indeed. Occasionally we see snippets about some one caught voting twice. The news this post election cycle is about a poll worker caught in fraud.
I have no doubt that if people actually looked, they would find many more cases of it. Lets start by looking at snow birds, the folks who spend summers in New York, and winter in Floriduh. I'm not gonna bother searching for it, but I do recall a case from 2000 where some reporters looked through records in Florida and compared them to absentee ballots from New England and New York and found many instances of possible fraud. I say possible because no one ever looked deeper. The authorities refused to give it any attention.
Melowese Richardson got caught because she is stupid. Very STUPID. She voted by absentee ballot, then in person in the same presinct. This typical liberal wasn't even smart enough to do it in seperate districts so she could avoid scrutiney.
How should she be punished? We know she will get a slap on the wrist at most. She is older, female and black. What she should get is serious punishment. Start with a good old fashioned flogging. Thirty lashes. maybe cut off a few fingers. Then add to her public humiliation and tattoo her face with the words voter fraud. last, strip her of her citizenship and all associated rights.

Then we have the case of Sister Kloos. Her employer released the following statement: "As a valued member of the Mount community, our thoughts are with her during this difficult time," the college said in a written statement. "We respect her privacy and will not comment further on this matter at this time."
If an employee of mine did that, I would go on record calling them scum of hte earth and a blot on society. Difficult time? She did it to herself. She knew what she was doing, and the college is wrong to stand beside her.
his deserve our enduring scorn. They should be held in contempt by every one, especially our institutions of higher *spit* learning.

Something to brighten your day

A policeman was patrolling  a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes Officer?"

"What are you doing?" the policeman asked. "What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading this magazine." Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?" The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."

"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man. "I'm nineteen," he replied. "And how old is she?" asked the officer. The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be sixteen."

Bloomin idiot got his ass handed to him

Nanny Blomberg, failing to get legislation regulating suggary drinks got his Health Board to enact rules to limit drinks to less then 16 oz. That got challenged by a whole bevvy of liberal groups creating a situation where one almost wanted both sides to lose.
The stakes were a bit big though, and a consortium of groups consisting of grocers, teamsters, beverage distributers, and what not, threw a court challenge to this over stepping of the rule.
There is no doubt in my mind that consumption of large quantities of sodas will harm our health. That does not give any government the right to regulate it. If gangs of hoodlums were breaking into houses to get money to pay for it, I might feel a little diffrent.
The New York Court today handed Blomberg his ass. My only question is, "did they pull his head out of it first?"

Clair McCaskill gets some love pats

Well well well. Clair got man handled by the TSA. A routine test of her hands turned up a positive result triggering a thorough search. Hope she got a body cavity search. The bitch deserves it for calling their agressive tactics love pats.
As one commenter noted, the TSA is proof the terrorists won. (Obama is proof that liberals have surrendered)
Snip
Sen. Claire McCaskill of Missouri said prior to Pistole’s testimony that she believed TSA was in a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation, because people would be hopping mad at TSA if Christmas bomber Umar Farouk Adbulmutallab had succeeded. She went on to say the new advanced imaging technology–which has caused uproar because of its leave-no-secrets imaging and potential health risks–is more of a blessing than a curse.
“I’m wildly excited that I can walk through a machine instead of getting my dose of love pats,” Sen. McCaskill said.

One for after work

OK, you survived Monday, at least, most of it. You are ready to head to the bar for a much deserved mouthful of relaxation and a chance to hit on the ladies. Try this one, if you dare.

pick up lines
boy: You are so ABCDEFGHIJK !

girl: What does it mean?

boy: Attractive, beautiful, cute, darling, elegant, funny, gorgeous, hot!

girl: AWWWW! And what does IJK mean?

boy: I´m Just Kidding!

Texas DOES have idiots

What kind of idiot is this?
What kind of person keeps a gun for protection unloaded? Does this moron honestly believe that if she does not have a gun under her pillow the intruder won't hurt her? Is she such a nervous bitch that she would shoot with out identifying her target?
The propper proceedure is not *BANG* *BANG*  *BANG* "Stop or I'll shoot!
Real gun owners do not shoot blindly, and seriously, what idiot would throw their cat on an intruder?
She writes"I believe that guns are made for killing and there is very little that needs killing within a city’s boundaries." Apparently she has never heard of Chicago, New York, Baltimore, New Orleans, or our nations capital Washington Dis Cussed.
Yes, the lefties are retards. Maybe this is what happens when you do drugs for too many years. Some one from Texas please explain her.

Tips for Avoiding U.S. Drone Strikes

One sure fire way to avoid being targeted is to assume the low information voter position. This is a modified duck and cover pose, just stick your head between your legs and…well you know the drill. Otherwise, here are some other suggestions:

Join the church where Al Sharpton is a preacher. No one knows where it is.

If you can’t find it, join the church Obama frequents.

If you can’t find that: register as a Republican Senate candidate from New York, New Jersey, or California.

Get a federal "green energy" loan, then declare bankruptcy. The U.S. government will cover for you.

Proclaim you are a victim of black-on-black crime. The media will render you invisible.

Come out as a black conservative. The media will render you unrecognizable.

If you are a woman: confess that Bill Clinton or Ted Kennedy once propositioned you.

Hide in the back of a Massachusetts senator’s submerged car. It will buy you at least a few hours.

Become a member of Obama’s Job Council.

Insert yourself in the next 2,000-page bill.

Follow Jesse Jackson to an honest day’s work.

Get friendly with Sandra Fluke. Nobody has ever been able to find any of those guys.

Say "Hi, I’m Jon Huntsman and I’m still running for president."

Pretend you’re a salad; at least the First Lady won’t spot you.

Never walk in New York holding a 16oz Styrofoam soda cup.

Never drink from a bottle of water in front of a camera. This will put you in the media spotlight 24/7 for days.

Get in line at the DMV or another government office; by the time you emerge, drones will be obsolete.

Impersonate an American taxpayer.

Hide in plain sight in Benghazi; it makes a lot of difference.

Camp out at Obama’s shooting range; no one is ever there.

Stay where Obama keeps his college transcripts, U.S. passport records, or financial records. You will never be disclosed.

Set up in one of Chicago’s highest murder-rate zones. A truckload of fighters with RPGs will go undetected.

Hold a sign, preferably bilingual, declaring a "Drone-Free Zone."

Buy a Prius or Chevy Volt

Put a COEXIST bumper sticker on your car
Avoid racist code words like "budget" or "fiscal responsibility"........or "Lie"

Are you a Conservative Blogger? Maybe you shouldn't be....

If you are a world famous rapper or movie star, remember drone strikes never hit the Obama's campaign bus

Minorities....it's better to have a victim mentality, than to be a drone strike victim.

If you are Caucasian.....going tanning will ensure that Obama won't target you for drone attacks.

If all else fails....contribute to Obama's 2016 campaign. (Some how I get the impression that Since he is ignoring Article II Section 1, ignoring the 22nd amendment won't be an issue for him.)

Something to brighten your Monday

A U.S. Navy cruiser was anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner:

"Dear Captain: Thursday will be my daughter Melinda's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance. They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation.
They should be excellent dancers, as they will be the escorts of lovely refined young ladies.

One last point: No Jews please."


8:00 PM on Thursday, Melinda's mother heard a polite rap at the door which she opened to find, in full dress uniform, four smiling black officers.

Her mouth fell open, but pulling herself together, she stammered, "There must be some mistake."

"No, Madam," said the first officer. "Captain Goldberg never makes mistakes."

Lets keep military weapons off our streets

Saw this yesterday at The Broken Patriot. Its clearly worth reposting.

CLAMS HAVE LEGS

When I read this article, the Old Gary Hart comic came to mind where BC saw clams standing arround.
Well, this time I'm thinking Holy Shit! New York has REDNECKS!
About as likely as clams having legs.
Seriously, they built a home out of shipping containers. Even Kansas rednecks can still get a single wide. Whats the world coming to?

My wifes cat

I'll start out by saying that my wife has been a cat HATER since the day I met her. Not a good combo since I have many both indoor and outdoor.

Some of them are strays that picked this as the most likeable shelter arround, others were abandoned in rental properties. Since this is out in the boonies, packrat country, cats are good to have arround. Back in January, one of them had a litter of four. One ginger, two tortise shells, and a pure white one. I can't expleain it, but Mrs I-HATE-CATS took an instant like to him. Well, as you can see, he did not stay pure white long. Has anyone ever seen an orange siamese? His ears have plenty of hair, its vibrant orange! At eight weeks, he is a terrorist. My toes are not safe! I named him Snowball. Maybe I should have called him Snowflake.

 

What can I say? He has ears and tail to match my neck.

A recipe for disaster

Welcome back to regular time. Aint it great? Every fall we set our clocks back, then in spring return them to standard time all in a little game concocted to maximise the minutes of daylight in a time when electricity did not exist.
Today, it serves no purpose other then to screw up our biological clocks  twice a year. Cows and kids live by their own schedule. Try telling an infant its not breakfast, or the cows to wait for milking. Not. Gonna.Happen.
So how can we make this, the time that results in more accidents then a snow storm in Florida worse? Why throw a drunken party. Yesterday was Fake Patties Day in Manhattan. Time for all the little college brats to get drunk, as if they need an excuse, and Aggieville or is tha Vile businesses to make hay.
When I look at this, I shudder. I am suprised it hasn't gotten anyone killed. Or maybe I didn't see it in the news.
Just more stupidity for people who lack common sense.

Like its the Christians fault

A mob of islamofascists has attacked and burned the homes of many Christians in Pakistan. Supposedly its about some one blaspheming the child molester Mohammed. Did they tell the truth abouy him and his followers? I doubt it. The sickos. mooslimes, make shit up when they want an excuse, or they just count on the US(eless) State disapointment to come up wiht an excuse for them.
In any case, Christians are again being attacked in an islamic country.
This time the Christians are fighting back. Don't expect it to last long. They are facing the full government of the fanatics who shielded Osama bin Fishfood for several years. We should step in, our dumbass pResident won't do anything unless he decides to send aid to the islamists.
Yes, it pisses me off that our deer lreader does nothing. Maybe I'll go out and blow up another koran. I didn't post the videos from this years shoot because of what happened in Libya. Turns out it wasn't over any movie, just lies and more lies. Still, I don't need the retard's pet goon squad knocking on my door. You don't either.

Something to start your day off right

This letter was sent to the School Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you.

Dear Bluemont School,


God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the Stony Brook Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away so I am all alone. I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but, she would never let me listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead husband, and understandably, wanted to keep it safe.

Yesterday her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.
She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed that I could tell her to fuck off.

Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.

God bless you all.

Sincerely,


Edna

No wonder the shelves are bare

Lake City is planning to lay off employees. If you are not familiar with Lake City, they are the Army ammunition plant near Independence. Claims are that it is due to modernization, but recent FOIA requests clearly show the government buying ammo from civilian companies and puting a serious hurt on the market.
Is the real story that the government is truly out to create a shortage? When a government fears the people, it is clearly not Government of the people by the people and for the people. Pray for peace, prepare for war. If our government is bent on tyranny, we need to be prepared. We need to repeal the Patriot act, disband the DHS, and cut back on the garbage implemented after 9-11-01. A good counter punch is a great defence. Next time we are attacked, we just need to level the host nation of the attackers.
Yes, I am saying that Bush fucked up. He should have bombed Saudi Arabia and Egypt along with Afghanistan. They would havte us, they do no matter what, but they would also fear us.
Put a reloading press on your Christmas list, or sooner. If worse comes to worst, you can make a mint selling to Homeland Suckers er Security.

Get a grip already

Once again some one has their undies in a bunch over a perceived slight. The Caledonian Record attempted to show support for a local school with this caption, Fry Rice in what appeared to be Chinese resturant script.

If St. Johnsbury had been playing a team with a large number of asians, I might be a little inclined to agree, but this isn't even a good slur.
I guess in a day and age when college teams can no longer have native American mascots for fear of offending, this is what we get.
BTW, is Rice Academy then a slur against asians as well? Lets not forget, Mexicans eat rice as well.
If you want to be that thin skinned, go join the pResident whose only transparency in government is his thin skin.

Saturday blonde joke

A blondes letter to Algebra

Dear Algebra,

Please stop asking us to find your X. They're not coming back!!!


Happy Birthday to my elder daughter. Thirty aint the end of the world, but Cang it looks close don't it?

Way to go SoDak

South Dakota has taken the lead in child safety. Governor Dennis Daugaard asigned into law legislation allowing teachers and other school staff to carry weapons in school for the express purpose of protecting our children and grandchildren.
South Dakota joins an elite few in protecting children rather then allowing them to be targets of miscreant liberals with horrible intentions. I mean gunmen, not bad education. Until now, only Utah allowed wweapons to be carried on school property. Their law allows anyone who is authorized to carry to do so on school grounds. A few areas in Texas also allow for weapons in schools, but its not the entire state.
So, if you care about your childs safety, and can afford to move, South Dakota is the place to be. Another plus is they don't much like peta punks. Hopefully other states like Kansas, Georgia and New Hampshire will follow suit.
For those of you who cannot move for any reason, consider home schooling. Your child will get a good solid education with out the drama of teachers bent on promoting liberal dogma and lies.

Something for Angel

Something to start your day off right

Same social worker goes to another back woods cabin and knocks on the door, a terribly deformed little boy answers. Some what shocked the social worker asks, "Hello there, is your mother home?"
The little boy replys, "No, she's in an institution."
"Oh I see" said the social worker, "How about your father, is he home by chance?"
"No", said the little boy, "He's in an institution too."
"Oh I see" said the social worker, "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
The little boy says, "Yeah, I got me a sister, but she's not here either, she's at Harvard."
Totally confused and wondering how this little boy would have anyone from his shallow gene pool at Harvard, the social worker politely asks, "Interesting, what's your sister in, pre-med? Pre-law?"
"Nah" says the little boy, "She's in a jar."

Arm your Neighbors?

Saw an article at tTAG today that got me thinking.

No one is an island. None of us can expect to stand for long alone. Whether the force to be reckoned with is a rogue government, a foreign power, or a mob of local thugs, fighting by your self won't last for long. You can only keep vigilance in one or two directions, and if a diversion keep your attention, an assault on your blind side will get you.

Depending on where you live, you may or may not know your neighbors. I know mine, but this isn't about me. Some of them may be flaming loonies, others might be career criminals, others might support an invading enemy, Vichies in the worst way. If not your neighbors though, think about your friends. I know you don't associate with anti American types, but how many of your patriot friends have guns? As I consider my list of friends, less then half have a firearm that is a good weapon for serious neighborhood defense.

Many people have "lives" that do not allow time or funds for a good rifle pistol or shotgun. They might have been in a bind due to the Obamanation our economy is in and needed to pawn something and chose to give up their guns for food. Or they might be some one who never invested the resources, choosing to build their retirement in other ways, or they may simply have not been interested.

In any case, they now find themselves either unarmed, or with a limited supply of water in this current drought.

So, lets assume you are like me and have purchased a few good weapons over the years, and have a stock pile of ammo as well. Are you prepared to take in a few friends or neighbors if times get too harsh? If a spring storm plowed through the community, you know you would. What about if the economy collapses under the burden of spiraling debt, Obamacare, and Obamanomics? If friends show up when the balloon goes up, are you prepared to provide them with a weapon and a foxhole? or are they getting turned away?

Think about it.

Something to start your day off right

"My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Cletus as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

"I got in a tiff with Bubba."

"Bubba? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised. "He must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," Cletus said. "A shovel it was."

"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"

"Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Bubba's left tit." Cletus said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"

Something to start the day our right

A social worker from a big city in Massachusetts recently transferred to the mountains of North Carolina and Georgia, and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.

'Anybody home?' she asked.

'Yep,' came a kid's voice through the door.

'Is your father there?' asked the social worker.

'Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in,' said the kid.

'Well, is your mother there?' persisted the social worker.

'Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here,' said the kid.

'But,' protested the social worker, 'are you never together as a family?'

'Sure, but not here,' said the kid through the door. 'This is the outhouse!'

Vacation time

I just booked my vacation, check it out!  The Point Cruise Lines is excited to offer the ultimate adventure cruise, along the pirate-infested coast of Somalia !

We board our luxury cruise ships in Djibouti on the Gulf of Aden near the entrance to the Red Sea, and disembark in Mombasa , Kenya seven adrenaline-charged days later. Reservations start at only $5,200 per-person (double occupancy, inside room) and $6,900 (verandah complete with bench rest).

You'll relax like never before!
That's because you are welcome to bring your own arsenal with you. If you don't have your own weapons, you can rent them from our onboard
Master Gunsmith. Enjoy reloading parties every afternoon with skeet and marksmanship competitions every night!

But the best fun of all, of course, is...
..
.
.
.
.
...Pirate Target Practice!

 

The object of our cruise  is to sail up and down the Somali Coast waiting to get hijacked by pirates!

Weapons rentals:

Weapon Selection Price Description:
AK-47 Light Assault $12.00 Per Day On a budget? Rent a full-auto scope-mounted AK-47 for only $12/day with 7.62 ball ammo at $12 per 100 rounds:
M-16 Full Automatic $25.00 Per Day Rent a full auto M-16 for only $25/day with ammo attractively priced at $16 per 100 rounds of 5.56 armor-piercing:
Barrett M-107 50 Caliber $59.00 Per Day Hello! Nothing gets a pirate's attention like a Barrett M-107 50-cal sniper rifle; only $59/day with 25 rounds of armor-piercing ammo affordably priced at only $29.95.
RPG Launcher $175.00 Per Day Want to make a real impact? Rent an RPG for only $175/day with three fragmentation rounds included! A true favorite among pirates, rent one today and show you care!

Customer Testimonials  
"Six attacks in 4 days were more than I expected. I bagged three pirates, my wife nailed two, and my 12-year old son sank two boats with the mini-gun.
This wonderful cruise was fun for the whole family"-- Fred D., Cincinnati , OH
"Pirates 0, Passengers 32! Well worth the trip! Can't recommend it highly enough!" -- Ben L., Bethesda , MD

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
Twin mounted mini-guns are available for rental at only $450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire!

Additional Cruise Line Services
Need a spotter? Our professional crew members can double as spotters for only $30/hour.
(spotting scope included, but gratuities are not)
Also included: Free complimentary night vision equipment - and throughout the night, coffee, pastries and snacks are always available on the main deck from 7pm until 6am
Our deluxe package comes complete with gourmet meals and all rooms offer a mini-bar

 

OUR SATISFACTION GUARANTEE! 
We guarantee you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or you'll receive an instant $1,000 refund upon arrival in Mombasa ..
How can we make that guarantee? We operate at 5 knots just beyond 12 nautical miles off the coast of Somalia , thus in international waters where pirates have no rights whatever. In fact, we make three passes through the area's most treacherous waters to ensure maximum visibility by Somali "mother ships."
We repeat this for five days, making three complete passes past the entire Somali Coast . At night, the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot every five
minutes with loud disco music directionally beamed shore side to attract maximum attention.

ACT NOW!
Cabin space is limited so you need to respond quickly. Reserve your package before March 31st
and get a great bonus - 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice! So sign up for the Ultimate Somali Coast Adventure Cruise now!

BUT THERE'S EVEN MORE! 

Reserve now and be automatically entered to win a 5 minute time slot on the Captain's own Twin Browning 50 Caliber M2HB installation!
"I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in ' Nam . Don't worry about getting shot by pirates... they never even got close to the ship with the crap they shoot and their lousy aim... Come on board and bag your own clutch of genuine Somali pirates!" -- Mike W., Savannah , GA

"Holy crap! I mean literally, I crapped myself! This gun shook the deck like thunder, and I was laughing so hard I just had to release it. AWESOME!-- Jim W., Tampa , FL

I'm all excited!!!

Will any gutless wonders join him?

Rand Paul is on a mission. It involves doing his sworn duty. As a Senator, he wants to get to the bottom of a lot of the stinky deals being done by the White Louse err House. He decided to do a one man filibuster of John Brennan's nomination to mislead the CIA.
So I want to know if any of the other RINO Senators will join him, or is he all on his own? When the vote for cloture comes, will they stand with him or cave? Is Rand Paul the only MAN in the Senate?

UPDATE: Just WOW! Even a democrat has joined the cause! Some one pinch me, please!

Just thinking

This got me thinking. I have never been in to tattoos. Some are OK, a buttergly on a womans shoulder, a flag on a Sailors arm, things like that I don't mind. The full adornment of a persons face or arms is in my opinion, and this is just my opinion, not pretty. I've nevr considered getting one until today.
I'm thinking of getting a tattoo on my posterior of ObamAA-s mug. Then I plan to travel to California for spring break, wear a thong swim suit to the beach, and offer his admirers a chance to kiss his likeness. If I can get the artist to position it right, I will even let the young ladies french kiss it. For a sizable fee of course.

Something to start the day out right

A redneck was walking home late at night .....  and sees a woman in the shadows.

"Twenty dollars", she whispers.

Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but what the heck, its only twenty bucks, so they hide in the bushes.. They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer.

"What going on here?", asks the officer.

"I making love to my wife!", Bubba answers sounding annoyed.

"Oh, I'm sorry", says the cop, "I didn't know."

Bubba says "Well, neither did I, till ya shined that light in her face!"

ObamAA-s mentor assumes room temperature

Hugo Chavez, worthless dictator and opressor of Venezula has died. The man who destroyed the once vibrant economy of Venezula and turned it into a shit hole has been battling cancer for more than two years. The wonderful medicine of Cuba wasn't good enough to save him. The medical establisment heralded by fat slob America hating Michael Moore failed. No suprise.
Some one needs to cue Meduro in that the worst enemy of Venezulian democracy was his boss.
Now if only Amalamadingdong would follow suit. Assuming the rat snipers don't get him first.

WRONG RATS

Talk about a disappointment! I saw a headline about snipers shooting rats in Tehran and got my hopes up. I guess Tehran has more kinds of vermin then I imagined. So for those of you who have a pet varmit, take note, they attract more vermin. Be prepared.

Thought for the day

Life as penguin can be frustrating.

Even when you're seriously pissed off and waddle off in a huff, you still look sooooo cute!

Don't get your undies in a bunch

Seems a lot of people are mad at Amazon because they offered a T-shirt that says "keep calm and rape me". Whoopdie do! yes, its offensive, even I find it offensive. That means I wouldn't wear it nor buy it for my wife to wear. If I saw a woman wearing it, I might question her morals, or ask her if she carries a weapon, because she might need it.
Even more offensive to me are Obamunists hawking for their god, the one who offends the living GOD and all sane people.
Anyone can put anything on a t-shirt. If you don't like it, look the other way. GOD gave you eyelids, use them. if that offends you, and you live in a nation that allows women to slaughter their babies because of convenience, or yo ulive in a nation that glorifies immoral behavior, or you live in a nation that says if it feels good, do it, and those things do  not offend you, you have isues. Serious issues.

Somewhere in Kansas

Parents are raising thier kids right.

H/T WIBW

Justice in North Carolina

A scumbag editor has been run out of town after requesting gun owner information from the Sheriff. The atlantic liar article says he asked information about guns. He did not! he asked about gun OWNERS. Big diffrence, big lie. The Atlantic should be ashamed of their fake reporting, they are not.
Lets hear it for Sheriff Kevin Lovin and his unwaivering support for the Second Ammendment.

Maybe this will help Mr Whore'n understand?

Another Promise kept

ObamAA- said energy costs would skyrocket under his (lack of) leadership. He wasn't joking, Who is the bestus buddy of big oil? Who is getting rich because of this commutard? This is robbery.

A soldier's least favorite day?

March Fourth.

Wife wanted

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
Over the next week he received hundreds of letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

How stupid must one be to be liberal?

Henry Blodget of Business Insider must live some place other then planet earth. Yesterday this moron published a screed titled Finally A Gun Is Used To Stop A Crime Instead Of Killing Innocent People. Henry must not get out much. Chances are he spends his time on google looking for porn, because he has, until now, never heard of a gun being used to prevent a crime.
Commenters took him to the woodshed, and he responded by claiming he is a gun owner, then citing data on suicides and other incidents to claim that guns put us in more danger then they prevent.
Would some one please, sticj this dumbass in a crate with Piers Morgan and send them both to the UK to live happily never after?

Have a safe Sunday

A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time. She said, 'sorry about the wait.' I said, 'don't worry about it, you're bound to lose it eventually.'

The drunk

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: "That will be $36.50 please." The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. "What, no drink for me?" replies the bartender. "Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."

Boulder air lift

Saturday blonde joke

A blonde is picking through the frozen turkeys and says to a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" He says, "No, ma'am, they're dead."

If my friends keep the supply coming, this may become a feature.

More please

I saw an article this morning that was wrong.
It said: WASHINGTON (AP) -- Homeland Security official resigns after release of illegal immigrants blamed on budget cuts.
What it should have said was: WASHINGTON (AP) -- Homeland Security officials resign after release of illegal immigrants blamed on budget cuts.
Which officials? Why, all of them of course.
I can dream can't I?

Honestly, I was disgusted by the release, but the article was worse. The title, HOMELAND SECURITY OFFICIAL RESIGNS AFTER RELEASE OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS BLAMED ON BUDGET CUTS
The subtitle? Homeland Security official resigns after release of illegal immigrants blamed on budget cuts
the entire article? WASHINGTON (AP) -- Homeland Security official resigns after release of illegal immigrants blamed on budget cuts.
Great reporting there AP. You done yahoo proud!